Our Child's Laundry Detergent Allergy Not Being Addressed By My Ex

location: Pittsburgh, PA

I apologize for the length, but I want to make sure key details are all available from the get go.

Basics: My ex and I have shared custody of our 16 year old child. My ex is the primary household and our child's health insurance is through her. My ex(50 yrs old) and child live with my ex's parents. My ex's father is VERY OCD (this plays a part in the issue.)

I've always had an allergy towards scented laundry detergents my whole life, but this year discovered I've actually developed an asthmatic response to it in addition to general contact dermatological responses and histamine reactions. My worst allergy is to Tide, which is what they use at the other house. Its bad enough that without prescription medication I can't even sit in the car with my own kid without having my own breathing problems.

My kid has complained about allergy like symptoms (her doctors have apparently never been able to quite pinpoint the source of) over the years. She also has what I had previously assumed was severe acne and occasional unexplained rashes. Between speaking with my doctor and my own independent research and personal experience, I'm convinced my child has a similar allergy to scented laundry detergents. When she's here for the weekend, those symptoms decrease significantly according to my kid and my own observations.

My ex is extremely resistant to any concerns or theories regardless of how rational they may be so my child advocated for herself initially. My ex did purchase a "free and clear" type laundry detergent. I asked my daughter today for an update on how she's feeling since the change and I got a, "I don't really know. I think it was only used once." Which wasn't a surprise considering how strong the small of her clothes were.

I asked her if she knew why and it boiled down to, "mom said she tried, but they[her grandparents] are going to do what they please." So, essentially my ex will not stand up to her own parents out of fear of getting kicked out. Specifically my ex's OCD father "has to" or "will do" do the laundry, including that of my middle aged ex and my child, do it with the detergent HE like's despite possible heath consequences to my kid.

Despite this elderly man having OCD and I've also recently been informed is now in the early stages of dementia, is still the "king of the castle" and what he says goes. Despite being a middle aged woman with a full time job and receiving child support from me living at her parents house for free apparently takes priority over our kid's well being.

My doctor informed me that the only way to form an official diagnosis is to remove the suspected allergen from my kid's life for a few weeks, so taking her to the doctor myself at this point has limited benefits if I'm understanding mine correctly.

I'm at a bit of a loss as for what to do if my ex refuses to act on behalf of our child's health once I discuss it with her further. I have to put my kid's health first, but I also don't want to put my ex in a place where she'd be forced to move or anything like that. Heck, I don't even know if any legal action can even be taken in this situation.

Any advice is incredibly appreciated.