I Believe My Ex-wife Is Manipulating Our Children. What Can I Do?

Location: North Carolina

My ex and I separated in Feb 25 and finalized a separation agreement outside the courts in Sep 25. The agreement had 50/50 Joint Custody of our 2 children (11 and 15).

Since the separation, my ex has been making comments about wanting to move back home, 700 miles away. More recently, she has been saying that all the children’s issues will be solved if I give up custody and let her and the kids move. Each issue the kids encounter, bad grade, social issue, etc, her solution/statement is always the same. (Paraphrasing) “The kids cannot thrive here in NC.” This is often followed up with some jab at me not being around enough because of work.

She will also frequently tell me the kids don’t want to live with me. This makes sense with my youngest, who will tell me this to my face, but my oldest had asked multiple times to live w/ me full time during the separation.

I am very concerned as I feel she is trying to tell the kids all their problems will be solved if they move. She has a vested interest in exacerbating their problems as opposed to solving them to meet her end state of moving home. I feel like I am being set up to be the bad guy if I don’t let it happen. I know divorce is hard, but I truly believe that the kids need good relationships w/ both parents. I personally see a counselor, but cannot get her kids to go with me. The youngest has stated that her mom told her she didn’t need to go if she didn’t want to and the oldest just flat out refuses to “talk to somebody.”

Additionally, and I’m not sure it’s pertinent, I believe she is suffering from some mental health issues. There is nothing medically I can reference, but prior to the divorce I asked her to see a specialist because she was sleeping until noon, shopping daily, and not accomplishing much around the house. She is unemployed, receiving disability, has no social circle, and no known hobbies. I only mention this as I have heard of court ordered mental health assessments, but am not sure if that is relevant.

I want to be the best me so that I can be the best dad for my kids, but I would be lying if I said this isn’t eating away at me. Is there anything I can do from a legal perspective to protect myself and my children? I’m extremely concerned.

I feel like I am being backed into a corner w/ two losing options. Let my ex move w/ the kids or fight to be their dad and be held responsible for anything they feel didn’t go well for them from this point forward.