Boss’s Wife Grabbed My Hair And Shook My Head During A Work Trip, Is This Assault, And What Should I Do?

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some honest advice on how to handle a really uncomfortable and confusing situation at work.

I (25F) work in advertising and marketing for a small company, Location: California. When I first started, I had no experience, but I was eager to learn and grow, and I’m genuinely proud of how far I’ve come. I want to keep this vague for privacy reasons, but I really love my job and my boss — he’s a humble, good man who’s given me a great opportunity.

The problem is his wife. She doesn’t work at the company, but she comes along on business trips. Since the first day she met me, she’s treated me terribly, making rude comments, calling me names, and constantly belittling me in front of clients and business partners. She’s even called me “a baby” multiple times and mocked my clothes and appearance.

A couple of years ago, she told my boss that I was planning to sue him for sexual assault, something I never said or even hinted at. It was entirely made up, and I had to clarify to him that it wasn’t true.

Recently, things escalated during a business trip. She had been drinking heavily, and at one point, while sitting between me and my boss, she grabbed my hair, shook my head, and called me a “f*ing snitch.”** I was utterly in shock. My boss saw everything happen. I tried to defend myself and tell her I wasn’t a snitch, but honestly, I just froze.

I’ve been replaying it in my head, and I can’t believe it even happened. I feel humiliated and unsafe, but I also don’t want to lose my job. I’ve worked really hard to build my place here, and I know she’s been trying to push me out since day one.

I don’t know whether to report this formally, press charges, or try to handle it quietly. I want justice and to stand up for myself, but I’m terrified of losing the career I’ve built.

What do you think I should do? Should I talk to my boss privately, report it somewhere, or go straight to law enforcement? Has anyone dealt with anything like this before?

Any advice would mean a lot.