The New Dating Term 'shrekking' Sounds Innocent. It's Not What You Think.

There’s a new dating trend afoot — and experts say it needs to get sent back to Far Far Away.

It’s called “Shrekking,” but don’t be fooled. Though the term derives its name from the wholesome animated film “Shrek,” in the dating world, it's anything but charming.

“Shrekking” involves dating someone you’re not attracted to in the hopes that this person will treat you better in return. After all, Princess Fiona took a chance on Shrek, and that turned out great for her, right?

Unfortunately, when you get "Shrekked," it means the person you lowered your standards for still ended up hurting you. As Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of "Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart," puts it: "In this plotline, you're dating an ogre without the princess treatment."

"The term might be new, but the behavior isn’t," she says. "Plenty of people have put looks lower on the list or hoped attraction would grow over time, and that in itself isn’t a bad thing. Where it backfires is when someone assumes that just because they’re dating ‘down’ in looks, they’ll automatically be treated better."

The fact the term is even getting used at all, Chan says, speaks to just how complicated dating has become and how frustrated people are with it.

"Shrekking" may be a new addition to the modern dating lexicon, but it's long-been a universal experience.

"We've all been there," one TikToker says in a video. "We give the guy we're not attracted to a chance thinking that he will for sure know what he has and treat us well. And then we get traumatized by a whole troll."

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Chan says many young people are feeling disillusioned by dating. Young people especially are looking to synthesize their experiences and connect with people who've been through something similar, hence the new vocabulary of dating terms that keep cropping up.

"Modern dating has gotten so complicated that we need new words just to describe what's happening to us," she says. "It's like we've made dating struggles part of our public conversation in a way that just didn't happen before."

When it comes to "Shrekking," the term shines a light on a few problems. First off, it implies daters should be able to predict how a potential partner will treat them based on what that person looks like. In reality, appearances don't reveal someone's character − and anyone who treats you poorly, no matter what they look like, should be seen as unattractive in your eyes, says Emma Hathorn, a relationship expert at Seeking.com.

The other danger of "Shrekking" is the term may dissuade people from dating outside their usual type, out of fear that doing so is sure to end badly. That's also is not the case.

"The idea is that you stepped outside your comfort zone, but instead of being rewarded with growth or connection, you wound up regretting the experience," Hathorn says. "When two people are genuinely driven towards a similar goal and values, they can find an attraction in each other that surprises them and refutes the shallower factors like physical type and societal expectations."

If you've fallen into this mindset and gotten "Shrekked," Chan says not to give up or go back to dating only people who fall within narrow beauty standards. Instead, she says it's an opportunity to get even clearer on what your non-negotiables are for a partner, no matter what they look like.

"For those who've been 'Shrekked,' the goal isn't to retreat back to only dating conventionally attractive people; it's to develop better assessment skills for character, values and emotional availability regardless of what package they come in," Chan says. "Physical attraction matters in romantic relationships, but it shouldn't be the inverse predictor of good treatment that some people assume it to be."