Sahm In Emotionally Abusive Marriage — Questions About Custody, Housing, And Financial Options

Location: Oregon.

Hi, I’m looking for general legal guidance on my situation. I understand this isn’t a substitute for a lawyer, but I need help understanding what my options might be.

I am a stay-at-home mom. My wife and I have young children together. I have been out of the workforce to care for the kids full-time and currently have no independent income. All housing, utilities, and expenses are paid through my wife’s income.

Over time, the marriage has become emotionally abusive. My wife has told me she loves me but does not love our children, and has stated that she stays in the marriage “out of obligation.” She is emotionally withdrawn from the kids and parenting responsibilities, and I handle nearly all childcare, household labor, and daily needs. There is no physical abuse, but the emotional environment is damaging and unstable.

I am trying to understand what would realistically happen if I were to leave or if we were to divorce, because my biggest concern is the safety, stability, and well-being of the children.

My main questions are:

• As a stay-at-home parent with no current income, what are typical options for temporary housing during separation or divorce?

• How does custody usually work when one parent has been the primary caregiver and the other has limited involvement?

• Would statements like “I don’t love the kids” or emotional neglect factor into custody decisions?

• Am I likely to qualify for temporary spousal support or child support during separation?

• What steps should I be taking now to protect myself and my children before making any moves?

• Are there documents, records, or evidence I should begin gathering?

• If I cannot afford an attorney, what types of legal aid or low-cost resources are typically available?

I am not trying to punish my spouse or create conflict. I am trying to understand how to safely plan an exit, if that becomes necessary, without putting my children or myself at risk of homelessness or losing custody.

Any general legal information or direction on what type of lawyer/resource I should be seeking would be appreciated.

Thank you.