Retired Mother In Mental And Financial Ruin.

Location: Western Massachusetts, USA

Apologies as this is lengthy.

My mother is 76 and recently retired (February 2025). In April her husband passed away suddenly. He's been disabled and unable to work for many years due to heart problems but for the most part was taking care of himself, he was 69 when he passed. She has been showing signs of cognitive issues for about 2 years but hasn't seemed that severe as of yet. We never had a great relationship but i've been trying to keep up with her as she's on her own now. Multiple times a week I would call or visit, make sure everything is in order, check with her that her bills are paid, that she's eating, etc. For all of her issues and being alone, she seemed to be doing well. There is no mortgage on the property, just utilities, insurance and taxes.

She has a smart phone, but she does not go on the internet and there are no other computers or tablets in her house. Her husband did have a laptop that he would use from time to time but it hasn't been located.

Less than two weeks ago she called me asking if I wanted a TV out of the old bedroom, and if I would pay her a few dollars for it. I asked her why and she said she had overspent accidentally and was waiting for her SSI to come in on the 3rd. I told her it's okay, accidents happen, you just have to get used to being on your own and gave her $150 for food or whatever to last her another week or so until the SSI came in.

The Monday after (Sept. 29th) she calls me all in a panic, saying she went to unemployment but no one would talk to her. I asked her why she went to unemployment and she said it was because she needs money. I told her you're retired, not unemployed. In her frustration it became apparent quickly that her cognitive issues were far worse than she let on.

On Friday she received her SSI but was having trouble with her home phone at this point. Over the weekend I was able to gain access to her husband's Xfinity account. In that account I could see that her September bills for her tv/phone and such was unpaid and late, and also her xfinity mobile account was still showing 2 cell phones (she told me months earlier that her husband's phone was cancelled and I had no reason to doubt her) and was also late on payments.

I then gained access to his email and found a litany of unpaid bills and 5 credit cards along with three financing accounts through local retailers. I would put her debt from these at around $50,000.00. It also appears that she cashed out her 401k some time back and her only income is $2,300.00/month SSI. I tried then getting information as to how the hell this happened and she just repeatedly blamed her spouse for doing this, telling me "it's his debt". I told her that they were married so it's your debt too.

I spent a day trying to compile what i was seeing and figure out what i am supposed to do. This past Monday she arrived at my house with a carefully organized file folder full of her bills, and such separately labeled and told me "a few weeks ago two women showed up and did this" but did not recall who they were nor have a business card. There were notes all over the paperwork and someone had taped her credit cards to each appropriate folder. Some of the bills had notes that stated "Husband only, send death certificate" and other had writing saying paid XX amount or otherwise with a date.

I panicked seeing this since she couldn't tell me who did this. Thankfully she only uses a small local bank and I called and was able to speak to the branch manager who confirmed that their office did this since her account was overdrawn since mid-August and the fees were piling up. Mid-September they had visited her out of concern, helped her compile her bills, cancelled her existing checking account that was hemorrhaging money from all the auto-payments that caused it to be overdrawn and were visiting the accounts that were sending in withdrawls to try and help. I thanked them for everything they're trying to do for her as clearly they've gone above and beyond.

The woman from the bank asked a few things of me

• She should be able to collect on her husband's SSI, I asked her how i should handle that and she didn't answer me, instead moving on to the next subject.
• She told me I can follow the notes in the folder and some of those accounts he had in his own name should go away with sending the death certificate. I'm writing up letters to those accounts and going for the certificates on Friday.
• She said because of her memory issues, I should come with her and have my name put on the accounts so i can manage her bills for her. I refused to answer this because I am not putting my home and family at risk over her debt, instead focused the conversation on getting her help.

I spoke to my mother last night after this conversation and she's thankful i'm helping, but also getting defensive about not having spending money. I tried asking her when she's last been to the doctors and she says it's been years, but there's a medical paper for her in these files dated March of this year, but that might just be related to her getting on Medicare Plan B (which i think her husband did with her, but again have no evidence yet).

I'm moving her cell number to my plan and going to try and end that Xfinity account. After that I'm figuring I need to see a lawyer about power of attorney and power over her medical decisions, then try to get her to see a doctor. I do not want to attach my name to anything financial because I am not going to assume her debt that she is not paying. She doesn't want to leave her home understandably and has two large dogs that she is constantly chasing around, but I don't see how financially she can stay here. Also, with the cognitive issues I don't know if she should be left alone either and may need medical help. There's no room at my house for her with myself, my wife and our two teenagers and selfishly I don't want to do that to my kids anyway.

I really don't know what i'm doing, I don't have any family to ask for help, my wife's family are retired as well, but planned accordingly and are pretty self sufficient. My question is really just asking for any advice towards my next steps here. Thank you for reading through all of that.

TL;DR: Mother is recently retired and widowed at 76, has no savings or retirement, living on SSI, is in cognitive decline and is now apparently $50,000 in credit card debt.