The 33 Definitive Rules Of Road Trips

A manual for

drivers and passengers

who want to get along

A manual fordrivers and passengers

who want to get along

A manual for drivers and passengers

who want to get along

A manual for drivers and passengers who want to get along

Yes, the car has more storage than an overhead bin. But remember that the space in the back is not all yours. Keep a smaller bag with essentials close by so no one has to dig through the luggage mountain to get to your magazine.

What the driver says goes. There shall be no debate over music, temperature settings or wacky roadside attraction stops. Got a problem with that? Well, do you want to drive?

The driver has one job: to drive without distraction. Leave the auxiliary activities — navigation, Spotify playlists, Buc-ee’s mile countdowns — to the passengers. Absolutely no texting and driving. And no drinking (duh).

For the sake of your fellow passengers alone, take a deep breath. Somebody cut you off? Put “the bird” away and wish them a nice day.

You’re the driver’s right hand, the first level of defense against distraction and discomfort. This means you have to navigate, play DJ upon request, change the temperature and generally be an extra set of hands. Don’t be shocked if you’re asked to feed the driver a grape.

Sorry you get carsick, but if you’re about to hurl, you better say something. Make your condition known at the start of the trip, maybe sit shotgun if that helps, and stay! off! your! phone! If you do start to feel nauseous, give the driver a heads up ASAP so you can pull over before the point of no return.

Everyone must try to use the restroom at scheduled stops. If nature calls at other times, just say the word to be accommodated — but make sure to give fair warning.

You had your chance, so hold it and avoid looking at waterfalls.

Keep your opinions and shrieks to yourself. The driver is the boss here, remember?

You are not the only person cramped in this car. Resist the urge to ask “Are we there yet?”

In a perfect world, everyone would board the car with devices fully charged. But you should still pass the charging cable when someone’s phone needs a boost. If you’re the kind of person who gets nervous when your battery life dips below 50 percent, consider bringing your own portable charger on board.

The sun warming your head and the wind ruffling your hair might feel glorious to one traveler but torturous to another. All in favor of an open sunroof, say “aye.”

Yes, engage and entertain young passengers with all the I Spy games and “Wheels on the Bus” rounds you can handle. Pack knickknacks and crafts galore. But if all else fails, this is a fine time to let the kids watch “Bluey” to their hearts’ content.

It may be comfortable to stretch out. But resist the urge to rest those tootsies on the dash: If the air bag were to deploy, it could cause serious injuries. The folks over at MythBusters even used a crash dummy to illustrate the risk.

For your safety and your pet’s, the front seat — including your lap — should be a dog-free zone. Use a harness, travel carrier or car seat — with a booster if Buster is tiny.

There is a time and a place for Whoppers and Combos. This is it. Stock up accordingly, and bring enough to share.

Before you crack open the container of pickled eggs, ask yourself: is this snack going to stink up the car? Unless you have group consensus, save your fragrant food for pit stops. Here are some better options.

If you’re going to inflict fast food on your body, you better be sure it’s worth it. Don’t just take the first exit after your stomach grumbles. Know your personal junk food rankings, taking into account independent unicorns and regional chains. Nobody wants stale fries. But a Cook Out milkshake? Revelatory.

Formal table manners have no place inside a car. You have permission to eat all food groups with your hands and wipe your fingers on your pants.

These are precious real estate. If you have several beverages, you should stack, combine or chug them.

Don’t you dare chuck trash out the window. Circulate a communal trash bag and toss it (in a bin, please) whenever it reaches capacity.

This is not the time to live dangerously, Kramer! Don’t let your gas dip below a quarter tank, let alone push the limits of E.

It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it. It would be nice if that someone weren’t the driver, who deserves a little break from responsibility.

The driver might not let you contribute, but it’s polite to offer. This applies to tolls and filling station snacks, too.

Yes, someone will pump your gas for you. No, do not tip. In the lone Full-Service State, the custom is to thank the gas station attendant with words not cash.

It’s your last act, so end the trip with a solid dismount. Park near the hotel, not in another Zip code. Find a real spot, not a gap in the bike lane. If you are still circling after 15 minutes, find a garage or drop off your passengers and the luggage. You better know how to parallel park.