Want To Grow In Wisdom? You Need Gospel Friends.

Who are “your people”? Most of us have a microcommunity—the people we exercise, vacation, and go to church with. The people we grab coffee or lunch with most often. The ones who come to birthday parties and bring soup when we’re sick.

Community is good. God designed us to need others. But it’s important to recognize that we don’t just share space and experiences with others. We’re shaped and formed by those around us, and we shape and form them.

Think about whom you most often ask for advice. Do you have a group of friends you go to? Do you scroll social media to see what the “experts” say on any given topic? Do you ask your neighbor, mom, or aunt? What voices have the greatest influence in your life? To faithfully navigate the Christian life, we need more than good advice. We need gospel friends who help us walk in wisdom.

Cautionary Tale

Consider the story of Rehoboam recorded in 1 Kings 12:1–14. His father, King Solomon, had just died, and he was preparing to take the throne. Rehoboam first “consulted with the elders who had served his father Solomon,” and their wise advice was to “be a servant to this people” and “respond to them by speaking kind words” (v. 6–7, CSB).

However, Rehoboam “rejected the advice of the elders” and “consulted with the young men who had grown up with him and attended him” (v. 8, CSB). He followed their advice and pledged to impose a heavy yoke on Israel. Tragically, these events led to the division of Israel. From that point on, Israel was divided into the northern and southern kingdoms, and eventually both were sent into exile.

Most of us don’t have the fate of a kingdom in our hands, but the principle illustrated in Rehoboam’s story is true for all of us. The people we surround ourselves with and invite to speak into our lives will either help us lean into wisdom or pull us away from it.

The people we surround ourselves with and invite to speak into our lives will either help us lean into wisdom or pull us away from it.

Paul explained it this way in 1 Corinthians 15:33: “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” The Corinthian church was experiencing division and confusion on several key issues, one of which was the essential belief in the resurrection from the dead. So Paul reminded them that it mattered whose words, advice, and opinions they were listening to. He warned them to distance themselves from people who denied a core doctrine of the faith.

I want to be careful here. This doesn’t mean we need to completely agree with all our friends on secondary issues (how boring!) or that we aren’t to enjoy a rich conversation with those with whom we differ in core beliefs (we should!). And it doesn’t mean we should always distance ourselves from unbelievers. But it does mean we need to be careful whom we turn to when seeking wisdom.

Corporate Pursuit

In Psalm 90, Moses included a prayer for wisdom that you’ve likely read or heard before: “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Have you ever noticed that Moses didn’t say, “Teach me to number my days that I may get a heart of wisdom”? We’re meant to pursue wisdom corporately. And gospel friends help us in this pursuit.

Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Gospel friends aren’t just the people who stick with you through thick and thin. They’re the ones who love you enough to speak gospel truth to you—even when it’s hard. They’re the ones who are also pursuing wisdom and the source of all wisdom (Ps. 1:2). They’re the ones who make you want to love Jesus more. Gospel friends help you live in God’s world according to God’s Word.

We need gospel friends who remind us that this life was never meant to be our all—there’s a better life to come. We need friends who compassionately confront us when they see habitual sin in our lives. We need friends who point us again and again to our sure and future joy, reminding us that our hope isn’t in the things of this world. As we do this together, we’ll all grow in wisdom.

Gospel friends help you live in God’s world according to God’s Word.

I’ve often been asked, “But how do we find friends like this?” If you’re asking that question, I’d first suggest you ask God for gospel friends. I’ve seen him answer this prayer in my life multiple times. I’d also recommend investing in friendships within your local church. Fellow church members are meant to be the people who help you pursue Jesus. And lastly, ask yourself if you’re this kind of friend to others.

One of my seminary professors posed a question that has shaped the way I approach friendships in the body of Christ: “Who is flourishing because of your influence?” I want to ask you two similar questions: Who is flourishing because you’re growing in wisdom? And who is helping you grow in wisdom?

Consider whose voice you’re listening to and whose life you’re speaking into. Cultivating gospel friendships isn’t one-sided. We’ll grow in true wisdom as we love and follow the One in whom all wisdom is found—together.