Spiritual Disciplines For Tired Dads

In college, I’d sit for hours to read, study, and memorize Scripture (to the neglect of some of my classes). Now that I’m a dad of two (ages 3 and 5), with a wife, job, and mounting chores, my spiritual disciplines have to look different.

Being a dad can be a grind. You work all day, then make it home in time to help with dinner and bedtime. You clean up the house and, if you’re lucky, have 15 minutes to catch up with your wife before your eyelids get heavy.

Talking about “spiritual disciplines” and “rules of life” is all the rage. But how does that work for exhausted dads of younger kids? It’d be counterproductive to tell my kids to stay away from me and watch a few movies so I can do a three-hour Bible study on how to be a more loving dad. But when the family’s needs occupy most of our free minutes, where do personal spiritual habits fit in?

If You Desire to Grow, God Is Already at Work

You’re reading this article because you’ve started Bible reading plans and not finished them; you’ve put times of prayer in your calendar and haven’t kept the appointments; you want to grow in your faith yet have found that “the spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt. 26:41). For dads in the hectic season of parenting youngsters, the flesh can feel especially weak.

When the family’s needs occupy most of our free minutes, where do personal spiritual habits fit in?

There’s good news: “To desire the help of grace is the beginning of grace,” argued Augustine. You desire intimacy with God, a growing faith, to know his Word. The Spirit is already at work.

But intention without implementation is folly. We need habitual disciplines if we’re to grow in discipleship. Dallas Willard divided the spiritual disciplines into two buckets: engagement and abstinence. There are things you do and things you don’t do. If you’re a time-pressed dad, these categories can be helpful frameworks for thinking creatively about spiritual habits. Here are a few ideas to consider.

Disciplines of Engagement

• Invest in church. Say no to good things like brunch and club sports to make the weekly gathering a priority. Do this for your own health but also to model a crucial habit for your kids. Habitual gathering with a local church is the sine qua non, the essential starting point, for spiritual growth.
• Read to your kids. This is another “two for one” habit that will benefit your kids’ souls and your own. God’s people are reading people. Get a good age-appropriate Bible (I’ve been using The Action Bible with my son.) Read them Narnia. Pause when they have questions. Be interruptible. Don’t just teach them; learn with them.
• Capture moments for prayer. Follow Paul’s advice (1 Thess. 5:17) and develop a perpetual instinct to pray. Pray when you eat, when you open your laptop, whenever you have a minute here or five minutes there. Recognize and acknowledge God’s presence throughout the day.
• Eat Scripture. Don’t just read the Bible. Masticate, memorize, and metabolize it. Digest and apply. You are what you eat. Not every meal needs to be a feast, but you must get your spiritual nourishment or else develop spiritual osteoporosis. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Do a reading plan you know you can do and grow it over time. Swap out one of your podcasts for an app that’ll read the Bible to you.
• Set an alarm. Wake up at the same time every day, even if your kids don’t. Jocko Willink likes to say “Up before the enemy,” and while your kids aren’t your enemy, the clock can be. Make sure you’re leaving yourself unrushed time in the morning to prioritize spiritual habits.
• Get sweaty. Go to the gym. Go for a run. Diligently steward the body God gave you. Get your heart rate up. Take turns with your spouse, but make it happen. Separating our souls from our bodies is the world of the Gnostics.
• Enjoy time with your spouse and your friends. Enjoy your wife. Know each other’s hopes, dreams, and fears. Celebrate occasions. Use all your vacation time. Play. Pray. Point each other to Jesus. “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life” (Eccl. 9:9). Also, enjoy time with the men in your life. Do fun activities together. Take turns with your spouse or hire a babysitter. For busy dads, meaningful friendship with other men can be one of the first things to go; but for your spiritual health, you need it.

Disciplines of Abstinence

• Delete or log out. Social media is largely an unproductive black hole. It bleeds you dry and takes away the minutes required to do any of the activities listed above. Imagine if you traded 90 percent of your scrolling for praying or reading. Imagine if you traded being “up to date” on global events for having more enjoyable time with your spouse and your friends.
• Cap your screen time. Many tired dads have plenty of time to binge Netflix and watch sports highlights but somehow can’t “find the time” to read, pray, or do the dishes. Put a hard limit around your daily screen time. If it’s important for kids, it’s important for you too.
• Leave your phone. When you take your kids to the park or when you go on date night, leave your phone at home or in the car. Be present. Be uninterruptible when you’re with the people who are your first calling. Leaving your phone allows you to pay attention to your own soul and the souls of others.
• Say no. A lot. Don’t overschedule yourself or your household. Caving to the pressure to be hyperinvolved will destroy your soul. Set boundaries for your household. Carve out time for what and who is most valuable.
• Practice chastity. Nothing will cripple your marriage, parenting, and walk with Jesus like sexual sin. Ask for help. Get counseling. Confess your sin. Do what it takes. All your sexual energy—without exception—belongs in a mutually edifying connection within your marriage. Your spiritual healthy will benefit from your practicing the classic Christian virtue of chastity.

A dad who takes time for spiritual disciplines will be a better dad as a result. Your spiritual health will set the tone and framework for the spiritual health of your family.

Yes, you’re strapped for time. But God wants to connect with you.“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you” (James 4:8). Give God what he wants. He wants you. Often. Yield to him in small and large ways.

Sometimes, all you’ll need is a tweak to your current strategy; other times, you’ll have to overhaul it. Grace is at work, by the Spirit, already. Now it’s on us to raise our sails and participate in what he’s doing.