Not All Reasons For Leaving A Church Are Created Equal

Most Christians will, at some point, ask the question “Is it time to leave my church?”

There’s no shortage of helpful articles about how to find a church. But we don’t talk as much about what it means to leave a church well.

Every year, millions of believers decide to walk away from their local churches. And while there are legitimate reasons to do so, I suspect many leave for the very reasons God gave us the church in the first place. After all, a church is the place where Christians work out their sanctification—a process that doesn’t happen easily, quickly, or smoothly.

How do we know when it’s right to leave and when it’s not? As someone who loves the church and believes in her God-given purpose, I want to offer four good reasons to leave a church and four bad ones.

Good Reasons to Leave

Let’s begin with what might warrant a faithful goodbye.

1. Sin Issues

It’s acceptable to leave a church if there’s persistent and unrepentant sin that has been brought to light, either in the congregation or among leadership. The mere presence of sinners isn’t the problem—every church is led by and full of sinners. The issue is whether or not sin is being fought against, dealt with, or addressed in any way.

I suspect many leave for the very reasons God gave us the church in the first place.

As John Owen said, “Be killing sin, or it will be killing you.” Don’t stay in an environment where sin is minimized, tolerated, or allowed to deepen or fester; the results will always be tragic.

2. Doctrinal Issues

Leaving a church is acceptable if false doctrine is being taught or if genuine doctrinal differences arise that prevent unity and fellowship. Leaving over false doctrine is pretty straightforward. Multiple sermons show a pattern of suggesting the doctrine of the Trinity was a man-made idea at the Council of Nicaea? The church adopts an “affirming” stance regarding gay marriage or transgender ideology? Goodbye.

Doctrinal differences on secondary issues, however, require more investigation and patience. Having a good sense of theological triage—distinguishing primary, secondary, or tertiary issues—is important here. So is good and open conversation with your leadership. An important factor in these conversations is whether the particular doctrinal disagreement will make meaningful participation in the church untenable, or whether it’s a disagreement that—while still important—won’t keep you from full involvement in the church’s life and ministry.

Sometimes it is also appropriate to leave a church if your theology changes in a way that no longer matches the church’s stated beliefs. If, for example, you join a Presbyterian church as a paedobaptist but then become convinced of the credo-baptist position, you can leave for a Baptist church in good conscience.

3. Mission Calls You Elsewhere

It’s appropriate to leave a church if your move is mission-oriented and you have a God-given opportunity to advance gospel work somewhere else.

Maybe the new church plant in town could use more gospel workers. Maybe a younger pastor or congregation could benefit from your maturity, stability, and presence. Maybe another body that otherwise lacks the specific resources you could uniquely supply. These can be good reasons to say a “gospel goodbye” to your current church, ideally with their prayers and blessings.

4. Geographical Moves

Circumstances like job changes, educational pursuits, or cost of living often lead us to sensible geographical moves. As long as we’ve asked ourselves good questions about our motivations in moving, and ideally processed the decision alongside our present church community, these departures from church are a normal—if painful—part of life.

Unwise Reasons to Leave

In contrast to the above reasons—which stem from prudential wisdom or gospel imperatives—you’ll notice the following four reasons, while common, are either unwise or antithetical to gospel purposes. Here are four bad reasons to leave a church.

1. Personal Preferences

Don’t leave simply because your preferences aren’t being satisfied: you don’t like the direction of the music style in worship, the congregation size gets bigger than your ideal, or the pastor’s quirks in preaching sometimes annoy you. When preferences drive us, we show we’re not loving the Lord’s church; we’re simply using her to our personal satisfaction.

2. Interpersonal Conflicts

Don’t leave because you’ve experienced personal conflict. What better place to exercise grace and forgiveness than a local church? When we leave because we’ve experienced conflict, there’s a good chance we’ll simply repeat the pattern at the next church. And the next church. And the next.

Conflict is a fact of life when sinners are in community together. It shouldn’t drive us to leave; it should prompt us to lean in and grow together in love and forbearance.

3. A More Exciting Church Comes Along

Don’t leave because you’re bored and some other church seems more exciting. Consumerism conditions us to seek novelty and expect the grass will be greener with a new choice. It leaves us restless and commitment-averse, always scanning the horizon (or swiping through a dating app), looking for a better, more ideal option.

If this is you, it’s time to examine your heart and ask why you’re in a church to begin with. Is it for your entertainment or to enhance your social circles with the right sort of people? Or is it because these people will help you make much of Jesus and help you grow in your discipleship of others?

4. You’re Being Challenged to Grow or Called Out in Sin

Don’t leave because your sin is being exposed, insecurities and immaturities are being revealed, or some aspect of your life or lifestyle is being challenged. What better place to exercise repentance and faith than in a community of people all attempting to do the same?

When we leave for these reasons, we continue the harmful perception that churches are only for perfect people—or to affirm us exactly as we are. We inadvertently make churches a dangerous place to be vulnerable or bold. Embrace grace and turn to Christ with his people, right where you are.

Conflict shouldn’t drive us to leave; it should prompt us to lean in and grow together in love and forbearance.

If you’re thinking of leaving your church, ask yourself this: Could the reason you’re tempted to leave be the exact reason God gave you the church in the first place?

Is a preference not being met? Maybe dying to self is the better answer than jumping ship to find a new fellowship. Is there conflict you’re avoiding? Maybe what you need is growing in humility and speaking the truth in love, not another congregation.

Here’s a key question: Are you leaving the gospel work God wants to do in you right where you’re at, or leaving for gospel work God wants to do through you somewhere else? Whatever the answer, make your decision prayerfully, humbly, and in community. As you think through your church future, involve godly church leaders in the process. Be honest with them at every step, and seek their counsel. After all, they are responsible for watching over your soul (Heb. 13:17).

Whether you stay or go, continue loving the church—not because she’s perfect but because she belongs to Christ.