As Marriage Rates Decline, Should Pastors Encourage Singles To Marry?

Recent trends show that global marriage rates as a whole are in decline. Western societies have sometimes disparaged marriage and questioned its necessity and intrinsic value, and now declining marriage rates are a phenomenon evidenced in every region of the world. Church communities haven’t been immune, and the growing number of unmarried adults in our congregations raises the question of how best to respond.

I’ve served for several years as a pastor to single adults in one of Canada’s largest urban churches. As a never-married pastor, my mission has been to help single adults grow in their faith toward full maturity as believers equipped to serve the kingdom and disciple others. Whether somebody found a spouse and got married hasn’t been a primary concern, though I’ve certainly never discouraged anyone from pursuing marriage if God provided the prospect of a well-suited spouse.

In this role, I’ve sometimes received feedback that I’m promoting singleness by not actively promoting marriage. The implication is that as a pastor to singles, part of my responsibility is to move singles from their “junior state” of singleness to the more “mature state” of married life. But is this what I should’ve been doing? By not actively encouraging singles to get married, was I undermining the institution of marriage? How would the apostle Paul have approached this question?

Contemporary Evangelical ‘Takes’ on Singleness

Evangelical churches have responded to declining marriage rates in various ways. John MacArthur sees singleness as an “attack” and “assault” on marriage. Al Mohler recently said marriage is part of growing up into adulthood. John Piper’s view, on the other hand, is that “the Christ-exalting devotion” of singleness is a positive call to display truths about Christ and his kingdom to the world and the church.

A spectrum of views can also be found at The Gospel Coalition; see, for example, the varying perspectives of Brett McCracken (we should generally nudge singles—particularly single men—to pursue marriage if they desire it), Jared Kennedy (we should prioritize God’s mission, which will mean both promoting marriage and dignifying singles in their giftedness), and Gretchen Ronnevik (we should see both singleness and marriage as Christian vocations).

Sometimes the perception is that there’s an epidemic of Christian men who lack the ambition to “man up” and take on the responsibility of marriage. If this is true, it’s said the church now needs to take a more active role in promoting marriage for single men and women. Sociologist Lyman Stone points out that within Orthodox Jewish communities, young people find spouses efficiently. And marriage (usually arranged) is nearly universal within the Hindu and Muslim Punjabi communities. Yet Christianity has always been fundamentally distinct from these faiths in its teaching on singleness and marriage. The basis for this distinction originates with the New Testament.

Paul’s Perspective

The most extended discussion of marriage and singleness in the New Testament is in 1 Corinthians 7. This chapter is Paul’s response to an issue the Corinthian community had previously written to him about. How does this highly contextualized discussion speak to the contemporary church’s current conversations about marriage and singleness?

1. Some aspects of the Corinthians’ experience mirror modern challenges.

Some current challenges single adults face when deciding whether or not to marry are more acute than in previous generations. These include the pressures of living in a hypersexualized culture with the temptations of porn and hook-up apps, the reality of demographic imbalances in our churches (we’ve traditionally had more single females than single males in a position to get married, though this trend may be reversing among Gen Z), and our complex economic landscape with its challenges and opportunities that make marriage a riskier proposition than in previous generations.

As I discuss in my recent monograph Paul and Secular Singleness in 1 Corinthians 7, the Corinthians experienced parallels to our situation. Marriage in the Roman Empire was a means of enhancing your position in the community—in the same way certain races or social classes afforded you greater status. The Corinthians also lived in a hypersexualized culture where commercial sex was readily available in brothels and taverns.

When Paul wrote, Corinth was experiencing a boom with an abundance of young men coming to build the new Roman provincial capital after the model and blueprint of Rome itself. This likely created a demographic imbalance where the church had many available men looking for female marriage partners but not enough available women. Urban centers like Corinth were also prone to frequent and prolonged economic uncertainty from food-supply disruptions that could inflate the cost of bread tenfold.

2. Paul sees the marriage question in light of a Christian’s kingdom calling.

When Paul responds to the Corinthians, he engages directly with their challenges related to marriage and singleness. His fundamental principle to remain as you are, which he states three times (1 Cor. 7:17, 20, 24), asserted that neither the Corinthian believers’ ethnicity (Jew or Gentile), class status (free or slave), or marital status (married or single) gave them preferred status within Christ’s body. Our call in Christ takes precedence over all other identities. Marriage isn’t a prerequisite for growing up to adulthood, nor does it give a believer a privileged status for church leadership.

Our call in Christ takes precedence over all other identities.

Paul’s answer to the question of marriage wasn’t simply to reaffirm the goodness of marriage and why the Corinthians should marry and have children. Rather, he offers a nuanced response that evaluates the marriage question in light of the larger rubric of a believer’s call to Christ and opportunity to serve him in this temporary age. Within the perspective of this larger purpose, marriage is seen as a secondary concern. Some may object that such a perspective seems “anti-family,” but Paul is expanding our vision of family and focusing our kingdom vision on our spiritual family in Christ.

3. Paul responds to a surplus of singles in Corinth by celebrating the advantages of both marriage and singleness.

Paul doesn’t merely encourage the singles in Corinth to “settle down” and get married. Instead, he tells the congregation of the distinct advantages both singleness and marriage afford believers.

In a time of economic uncertainty, singleness brings the advantage of living a simpler and more streamlined lifestyle. Marriage brings economic costs, and Paul would spare the Corinthians these “troubles of the flesh” (7:28, author’s translation). Given the inherent responsibilities marriage brings, singleness also affords a freedom to be fully dedicated to Christ’s concerns and kingdom in a way that’s not possible in married life. This isn’t a freedom from responsibility but a freedom for empowered service.

Paul also recognizes that for some of us, the natural desires for sex, marriage, and children can be powerful and relentless. Marriage is God’s good design for where these desires are to be expressed. Yet Christian marriage isn’t a right or entitlement but a gift to be celebrated when God provides the opportunity to enter it. Should a spouse not come soon or even at all, God is still our sustainer, and he’s sufficient to provide the means for us to resist the temptation to compromise sexually (10:13). Marriage is a provision but not a cure for the challenge we all face to maintain our sexual purity: to demonstrate the fruit of self-control (Gal. 5:23).

How We Should Answer the Question

So how should pastors respond to the growing number of singles in both our society and our congregations? We should begin by creating a healthy church community that recognizes and validates the place and contribution of its single adults. Next, pastors should invest in discipling those single adults, recognizing their tremendous opportunity to use their gifts and abilities for kingdom expansion in whatever way God calls them.

Singleness shouldn’t be regarded as a way station on the road to marriage but as a season of life God gives to individuals that may free them for whatever assignment he has for them, for however long he calls them. Some will get married when God provides a godly spouse. Others won’t. But all can flourish in the station where God has placed them.

Some will get married when God provides a godly spouse. Others won’t. But all can flourish in the station where God has placed them.

Finally, pastors should consciously affirm that the body of Christ is where both singles and marrieds can express the fullness of spiritual family together. In this way, we display the theological truth that we live in an age of inaugurated eschatology—with one foot in the old era where marriage was assumed and seemingly universal, and one foot in the age to come where marrying and giving in marriage will cease as we shall all be married to Christ.

Paul may surprise us when he highlights singleness’s advantages, but he’s careful to also fully affirm and validate the call to marriage and family life for those who choose it. Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 7 is meant for such a time as this. We should present church members with both options, ensuring they fully appreciate the benefits and challenges. We should likewise affirm that regardless of their current station and vocation, they can remain as they are with full assurance that neither marriage nor singleness gives them preferential status within Christ’s body.