5 Postures For New Elders

Every week across the country, countless elders meet in rooms with harsh, hospital-inspired lighting to discuss everything from budgets to preaching to caring for the suffering. The majority of those pastors are in their roles on a volunteer basis.

Lay elders who don’t draw a paycheck from the church face unique challenges. Cultural and procedural norms can be unclear. When should I speak up? Do I need to let this go? I’m a pastor, but I’m not the pastor, so what’s my role?

The men around the elder table have varying degrees of experience, training, and wisdom. Inevitably, they’ll come up against something for which they’re radically unprepared. Shepherding a church isn’t plug-and-play. Godly elders are brothers desperately trying to love and serve God while loving, leading, and serving their local church—but it’s a challenge to know how to do that in any given situation. Usually, the answer isn’t obvious.

Here are five postures to take as a new lay elder.

1. Keep Quiet and Speak Your Mind

If you’re like me, you went into eldership with fresh ideas about your church—ideas you think everyone should immediately hear and heed. Reject this impulse. Instead, seek wisdom to know when (or if) to speak.

If temperatures are running hot or you’ve circled the same topic several times in one night and you’ve made your point already, consider not speaking again. Ask yourself, How can I best love and serve these men and the church at this moment? Not trying to win a debate can often be the best option. Be wise; use discretion; be slow to speak and quick to listen. Sometimes an issue simply needs to be tabled for a while.

Be wise; use discretion; be slow to speak and quick to listen. Sometimes an issue simply needs to be tabled for a while.

On the other hand, if your conscience strikes you about an issue, or if you think silence will build bitterness in your heart, or you think the elders and the church would be helped by what you’re thinking and processing, say it. Don’t fall into the trap of saying nothing and then back-channeling your ideas after the meeting. This erodes the team’s confidence in their ability to assess ideas well.

An atmosphere of awkwardness or fear can develop when other elders know you have thoughts and feelings but refuse to share them. Speak up in love—but only when the occasion calls for it. The paradox of keeping quiet and speaking requires wisdom (Eccl. 3:1, 7). This is why we need wise, godly elders.

2. Study the Elder-Room Culture

The group of elders you joined has a culture. For better or worse, these men have rhythms and dynamics for how they relate to one another, how they get work done, who gravitates toward what topic, and so forth. Some groups are laser-focused on efficiency, while others can’t talk business until an hour or more has been spent on relationship building.

If you’re new to an elder group, try to learn its culture. You’ll eventually influence these dynamics, but at first you’ll need to adjust to the existing way of doing things. Be encouraged that no one is at the elder table outside of God’s sovereignty; each individual will play a role in the culture.

Pursue a Christlike culture by pastoring one another. This happens in all the same ways you disciple your congregants. You get into the Word together, share life, and pray with and for one another. You talk together. You laugh together, and you cry together.

Brother pastor, find time to do these with your fellow elders. In larger elder boards, this can’t be done with everyone all the time, so find subsets of the whole with which you can connect. Invest in relationships with your fellow pastors. When elders dwell together in unity, it’s a blessing (Ps. 133:1–2).

3. Pursue Peace When Conflict Arises

Pastors are also sinners, and, at some point, pastors will grow frustrated with their fellow pastors. Occasional frustration like this is normal in any relationship. But the Enemy and your sinful flesh will use any opportunity to breed more sin and division.

If you’re getting angry with a fellow elder, talk to him in private—and quickly (Eph. 4:26). If you sense your brother has something against you, go and be reconciled as quickly as possible (Matt. 5:24). Don’t allow anger to fuel gossip or slander. Don’t allow it to twist your mind into assuming sinful motivations on behalf of that other elder. Assume the best (1 Cor. 13:7).

Pastors should be increasing in holiness—but they often still struggle with pride and selfishness. It’s no surprise that conflict happens among elders; it’s a surprise that it doesn’t happen more. Pastors should be an example of how to handle such conflict.

4. Pray as a Powerless Pastor to Your Powerful God

Eldership in Scripture largely revolves around four activities: teaching, preaching, prayer, and care. Prayer is often the most neglected. Yet without the Holy Spirit’s power, nothing we do will amount to anything. It’s God who gives growth (1 Cor. 3:6–8). Christ has given us access to the holy God of the universe, to ask and plead with him for help (Heb. 4:16).

Elders need to regularly pray for their church members. Aim to do this daily. It’s often said that a member directory is the second most important book an elder owns. Pray for your members often, by name. Elders also need to regularly pray for wisdom, love, faith, and hope. These characteristics enable you to persevere in your calling as a church leader. It all comes from above. Prayer reminds you of your dependence on the Lord for everything.

5. Remember God’s Kind Gifts

Eldership isn’t all difficulty and hardship. It’s also an incredible gift from God. You who have been saved by the Lord Jesus Christ get a front-row seat to the same work being done in others. The Lord will use pastors to bring people to himself for all time (1 Tim. 4:16). That includes the new elders—foolish and hopeful, sinful and saved, confused and cared for: you.

Eldership isn’t all difficulty and hardship. It’s also an incredible gift from God.

Who is worthy of these things? No one. But our Lord Jesus has designated some of his sheep to serve him in this way. Praise God for the opportunity to see him work: marriages saved, lost souls found by Jesus, men liberated from the chains of addiction, women freed from abuse—and on and on and on. What a privilege. This is what God does, and you get to see it. Soli Deo gloria.

Pastors, particularly those who don’t work full-time for the church, are called to an often thankless job. They’ll endure anxious moments praying for lost sheep. They’ll wonder if they’re pastoring the right way. Whether you’re a pastor under those harsh halogen lights or a member praying for his or her pastors, remember that God delights to turn unseen faithfulness into eternal glory.