3 Truths Your Daughter Needs To Hear About Beauty

“The first comment we make to other women is usually about their looks.”

I hadn’t noticed that, but my friend was right. Most of the time when I encounter another woman in church, our greetings involve some kind of compliment about the other’s appearance. There’s nothing wrong with affirming someone’s lipstick color or shoe choice. But I do wonder what this says about what we value most.

As these comments have been directed toward my young daughter, I’ve grown more concerned. People mean well, and beauty matters in our Christian worldview—but not in the way our culture says it does. I worry she can’t yet tell the difference.

Little girls who are innocently told “You’ve got that outfit going on!” learn early that appearance is king. Beauty does matter—but not in the way social media and this internet age suggest. Instead, we need a biblical theology of beauty to rule our hearts and homes.

Humans are embodied souls for whom beauty matters, beauty fades, and beauty deepens. Jesus, the incarnate Son, embodies this reality and offers the church hope and help as we raise our daughters in the faith.

Beauty Matters

Beauty matters because beautiful things ultimately flow from God’s creative hand. He’s the origin of everything good, true, and lovely (Rom. 11:36), the supreme manifestation of beauty. “Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and beauty are in his sanctuary” (Ps. 96:6). God’s perfect holiness makes him altogether glorious, and he shares this glory with his creation (Ps. 8:3–5; Isa. 6:3). Every sunrise proclaims his beauty (Ps. 19:1–2), and every newborn baby declares his praise (Matt. 21:16).

Beauty matters in our Christian worldview—but not in the way our culture says it does.

Christians aren’t gnostics who disparage the body, however fallen we may be. We neither shame the body nor worship it. Our bodies are dignified gifts from God and temples of his Spirit. From the dust of the ground, God made a “very good” Adam in his image (Gen. 1:27, 31). An embodied existence is what we were made for—everlasting beauty in God’s beautiful presence. We won’t know its fullness until Jesus returns and grants us resurrection bodies (1 Cor. 15:42–49), but we know a degree of its worth here and now (13:11–12).

Our girls need to know that beauty matters because God is beautiful, and he creates beautiful things. Jesus’s willingness to take on flesh testifies to this reality. Our bodies have inherent dignity and worth because we belong to God. Rather than shaming our kids for their curiosities about the human body (“We’re not going to ask about that!”), we celebrate beauty in light of our Creator (“God made our bodies so interesting, didn’t he?”). We help our girls see we’re drawn to beautiful things because our God is beautiful and he made us for himself.

Beauty Fades

But we also want to help our girls distinguish between the temporal and eternal. We want to equip them to know what will eventually fade and what will last forever (Isa. 40:6–8).

Nothing is innately wrong with lipstick and shoes, for example, but we can’t take them with us when our bodies return to dust. They’re “treasures,” in a sense, that will perish when we do (Gen. 3:19; Matt. 6:19–21). The same goes for money and possessions and all our earthly accomplishments. The only things that will last are good works done in Jesus’s name, reflected through the imperishable beauty of his people’s souls (1 Cor. 3:13–15).

So, while beauty matters, beauty also fades. Hair turns gray, bodies break down, and wrinkles testify to the passage of years. This means we put gifts like appearance and accomplishments in their proper place; our earthly tents are temporary homes that will one day fade and perish (2 Cor. 5:1–5). It also means we can thank God for every good and beautiful gift he gives, however temporal. We can model this for our girls by prioritizing eternal matters—like the Word, prayer, giving, and the church body—while entrusting to God our material needs on any given day (Luke 12:22–23) and thanking him for all he gives us to enjoy (James 1:17).

Jesus had no striking beauty when he walked the earth (Isa. 53:2). He was willing to put on an unremarkable earthly body that he knew would one day succumb to the grave. And yet he was able to fully enjoy every gift of God without sin while delighting to do his Father’s will (Luke 2:52; Heb. 4:15; 10:7). Jesus lived in the flesh for the joy set before him—a resurrected spiritual body in his Father’s presence—and as he did, his faith deepened.

Beauty Deepens

Similarly, the faith of every true believer deepens over time. Our trust in God is beautiful in his sight and pleases him (Heb. 11:6). As our bodies inch closer to death each day, Christians are increasingly imbued with life—Jesus’s life—as we learn to trust him. We’re (hopefully) getting better with age, being renewed day by day and conformed to our beautiful King and Savior (2 Cor. 4:16).

In this sense, our beauty is more than skin-deep, and we want to cultivate the kind of beauty that reflects the heart of Christ, who shows us how beautiful God is (John 1:14; Heb. 1:3).

We’re (hopefully) getting better with age, being renewed day by day and conformed to our beautiful King and Savior.

What might change if we emphasized the eternal in our most basic conversations, especially within the family of Christ? What if, instead of commenting on another female’s appearance, we simply said, “It’s wonderful to see you! Tell me how you’re doing today”? Our littlest girls would feel warmly welcomed not because they’re wearing pink but because they’re a valuable part of God’s precious body.

As parents and caregivers, we can praise God for our girls’ deepening inner beauty by using biblical language. Talk about God’s work within her, identifying the fruit of the Spirit when you see it. Praise her beautiful obedience, which “in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Pet. 3:4). And when she inevitably fails, remind her of Jesus’s beautiful obedience on her behalf.

This good news is better than any Sunday morning compliment because it will endure: “All flesh is grass, and all its beauty is like the flower of the field. . . . The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever” (Isa. 40:6, 8).