Parent With Dementia Is Being Abandoned By The Other, What Legal Options Exist?

TL;DR: My parent has dementia, and the other is cheating and neglecting them. I’m trying to figure out how to help from across the country.

Location: Washington State, USA

I’m going to try to keep this short and as anonymous as possible while still including enough details to make sense of the situation. It may come off as insensitive, but please know that isn’t my intention. I’m just trying to keep it anonymous.

One of my parents has dementia. They’re fairly young to have it (early 60s), and it’s progressed to the point where their personality has changed significantly and they now need daily care. I live on the other side of the country with a family, career, and established life, so relocating isn’t an option. I have a caretaker starting next week to assist with cooking, cleaning, bathing, and other daily needs.

I recently found out that my other parent, the one who isn’t sick, has started dating someone else. They’re still married to my parent with dementia, still live under the same roof, and once promised to stay by their side “till death do us part.”

Now, the parent who’s dating someone else is rarely home. They occasionally stop by to check in but no longer sleep there. To make matters worse, they’ve been spending their retirement money on this new partner while their spouse, my sick parent, sits at home alone.

I recently visited to try to understand what’s going on, but I kept running into walls. My sick parent once made me promise that I’d never put them in a home. I believe that promise came from a place of love and was meant more for when they were older and unable to care for themselves. I don’t think dementia was ever part of what they imagined, but that promise still weighs heavily on me now.

At this point, one parent has effectively abandoned the other, who is battling dementia, and is using shared funds to support a new relationship.

I’ve spoken with attorneys, friends, and family to figure out what can be done. I’ve also confronted my parent about their actions, expressing my concern and disapproval, but it hasn’t made a difference.

Helping my parent with divorce seems like the obvious solution, but according to multiple attorneys, it’s legally complicated due to my parent’s dementia and their ability to fully understand what they’re signing.

I went from having a parent who was once loving, dependable, and selfless to someone who now feels selfish and unrecognizable.

At the end of the day, I don’t care what it costs. I just want to do what’s best for my sick parent in the long run. Any advice is appreciated. If more details are needed, I can share them in a way that keeps things anonymous.

Thank you.