Is It Best To Keep Siblings In The Loop About Trust And Poa If One Says They Will Sue You As Soon As Mom Is Not Able To Answer For Herself?

Location: Oklahoma

My mom 83F is a hermit. If she was a child of this day of this age she would be diagnosed as autistic. Even when we were growing up was emotionally distant. She is extremely private about her life including money and health. She is very smart and was a leading scientist in microbiology.

My father has long past. There is 4 children. I have one sibling (A) who I haven’t seen in years. No issues but no one in the family is close with him. I have an another (B ) who tries to stay close to mom by phone but lives thousands of miles away. I have sibling (C) who lives states away who is a compulsive lier and severe mental issues. I am estranged from this person after 20 years of hell. He runs a successful business and money is not an issue for them. Then there is me. I’m a stay at home wife. We do fine financially. . I live close to my mother, her POA and manage her care. Mostly CNAs to come in and help her with activities of daily living.

I am moms POA for medical and will be for Finachial as well. To be frank my mom has the wrong trust an we are just now getting her into the lawyer and changing everything but it’s a mess. There is many different sources of money some with even my grandparents name on it who died 30+ years ago.

I was doing a group text every time my mother changed things money wise. I thought I was doing the right thing. sibling C then sent a group text saying no one trusts me and eluded to the fact I was abusing my mother financially. That since I don’t a tone of money she must be giving me her money. The C said they don’t believe that the trust is divided 4 ways equally. It is. Then eluded that when mom can’t speak for herself that the sibling will step in and call APS. She is very well taken care of. Heck her cat just got a diabetic pump put in. Mom is living a good life. A small life but a good one. She wants it that way. She sits in the sun petting her cat each day and sipping coffee. Should I stop updating them? Can the trust company help with this or the lawyer? My mother is sacred of this sibling. I have tried to convince my mother to be more open of finances to all the siblings but she is always afraid of confrontation.

I feel like when I’m updating them that I’m giving them information to sue me later. I’m not doing anything wrong but also feel like I can’t win. I just want to take care of my mother and not have to deal with this sibling ever again but I know that isn’t the right way to handle it. What should I do? What professional help do I need.