Disabled Daughter Came Back Different From Summer With Dad

Location: Florida. I have a young child with my ex husband. She has physical disabilities that require close observation and care but she’s always been smart and vibrant. She is with me all year except summer when she gets to visit dad. He lives 3k miles away with his dad. Her dad is also disabled and is sick often/goes to the dr a lot. I communicate with him about everything she does including school and Dr appts, send pics and share funny things she says etc.

she was with him for June and July and I FaceTime with her multiple times a day. I started noticing a change in behavior from her, almost like she was depressed and sad while she was there. He called me many times while she was having a meltdown to ask me for help “dealing with her attitude” I tried to offer solutions but it became clear that he didn’t like her sassy personality and told me “she’s disrespectful and the little jokes you guys have need to stop”. Her and I have quirky little things we say to each other (think guess what chicken butt type of things). I told him to not dim her light just because he didn’t have sunglasses. Her life is going to be full of road blocks because she can’t physically function normally, so her mind is her greatest asset.

He’s more of the reactionary disciplinary and I’m more of let’s talk after we calm down. He says he’s getting better, but I can imagine if you’re someone who feels like crap all of the time and suddenly have to take care of someone with high needs, you could get frustrated easily. It’s also worth noting that his father was abusive during his childhood and that’s who he lives with and where my daughter is. His father is also disabled.

I don’t think it mattered or the damage was done because since returning home, she is a shell of the once rambunctious, confident child I had. She has meltdowns during meals or bedtime or if I ask her to make a choice pertaining to anything. She used to maybe have a fit once every few months but now she loses it many times a day. She also has zero short term memory. She used to remember what she had for breakfast 6 months ago and now she can’t remember what day it is after asking me several times. It’s starting to affect her learning at school and teachers are worried.

I do not want to keep her from her dad, but something had to have happened and I am afraid for her to go back next year. On top of the dozen doctors she already sees, she’s also in therapy and I’m working with the school for an IEP because now her mind is not at the same level it was. I’ve already taken her to a neurologist last month who told me they think it’s psychological. I’m hoping someone has advice, even if it’s how I can better support her or if anyone else has experienced this. I have an attorney and she says she can file an injunction to redo the parenting plan, but I also want to get her an advocate that will act in her best interests too.

I know he misses her but he doesn’t have the physical, financial, and mental capacity to give her the care she needs. He made the choice to move that far away even though we lived and had her here. There are many more issues but I’m already long winded. I’m willing to do anything to keep her happy and safe hopefully without alienating her relationship with her dad.

If I were to go down the legal path, what would I need to file or pursue to have him assessed for his ability to take care of her? Is it possibly to legally make his visitation only within her home state?

Thank you for any helpful information.