87f Mil W/ Dementia Possibly Suing Us To Force A Sale Of Our Home, Cannot Find A Lawyer To Represent Us

Last year we uprooted our lives to move my elderly MIL in with us after it became clear she couldn’t live alone anymore. We sold our home, she sold hers, and we bought a larger house together. Our biggest mistake: at her insistence, we put her as 1/3 owner on both the mortgage and the deed. My wife had no idea her own mother would later turn on her like this, and we were just trying to help her feel independent.

After living with her for a year, it has become impossible to ignore that she appears to have dementia and significant cognitive decline. Just some of the behaviors we’ve documented:

1. She places plastic bags full of clothes against electric baseboard heaters (the bags have melted and browned). She also puts extension cords near the heaters, which have melted as well. When we told her it could burn the house down, she insisted the heat was too high and refused to acknowledge the danger.

2. She previously burned papers in a tin can inside her apartment, and we had to buy her an outdoor fire pit so she’d stop.

3. She digs through our trash, not hers, every other day. She opens trash bags and has cut herself on sharp objects, usually construction debris.

4. She kills small animals with her bare hands, including crushing a live mouse to death.

5. She believes the government is watching her via a satellite. She has watched what is clearly Venus or passing airplanes and insists it’s "moving" to follow her claiming it appears in a different part of the sky every night.

6. She talks loudly in public about people, including racist comments.

7. She steals our items from our garage and conceals them (e.g., hiding items inside rubber gloves) before taking them to her apartment. She’s also sold items that weren’t hers.

8. She has told us she "wants to be with dead people."

9. She forgets names, dates, and events, rewrites history, and invents things that never occurred.

10. She has long, twice-daily calls with a much younger ex-neighbor (we suspect is trying to get her money).

11. She locks herself out of online accounts constantly, can’t navigate basic technology, and reported her doctor of fraud because she couldn’t access the patient portal.

Recently she called the police on us over a completely trivial issue. The police labeled us the victims and told us to call APS. We did, and APS + the local aging agency agree she has dementia, but won’t take serious action without an immediate physical safety threat. They offered counseling on "managing" her, which isn’t enough.

We have no guardianship or POA over her, and she refuses to see a doctor for an evaluation. Her doctor won’t talk to us because we’re not on her HIPAA list.

She has become extremely hostile. She has contacted at least 8 attorneys in the past few months (we have the call logs), regularly calls one specific one, and we have video surveillance of her telling her friend that when we "get the news," there will be a "big fight" and that "when she’s through with us, we won’t have any money left."

She has threatened multiple lawsuits but won’t say what for.

We are terrified she is being manipulated by her ex-neighbor and that she is planning to force a partition sale so she can move in with her. If that happens, we will lose the home we spent tens of thousands renovating and we will have to uproot our lives and my home-based business.

We have tried contacting multiple lawyers, especially those who practice elder law and real estate, but we repeatedly get the same response: "We cannot represent you at this time." We’re worried it’s because she has already spoken to every local attorney and conflicted them out, but possibly no lawyer wants to touch this complex case?

We have hours upon hours of audio and video that clearly show her instability, dangerous behavior, and cognitive impairment. We are wondering:

1. Would this be admissible in court?

2. Could this be used to fight a partition sale or show she lacks capacity?

3. Can we still pursue guardianship even if she’s possibly already given POA to the ex-neighbor?

4. Is it normal for so many lawyers to decline representation, are we out of options locally?

Our goals:

1. Keep our home

2. Get her mental help / medical evaluation

3. Possibly get her into a facility where she can be cared for safely

We are absolutely drowning here and desperate for guidance. Location: New York

TL;DR: We put my MIL as a 1/3 co-owner on our home when we moved her in due to declining ability to live alone. Over the last year she’s shown clear signs of dementia (dangerous fire hazards, delusions about satellites watching her, killing animals with her hands, digging through trash and injuring herself, stealing and hiding items, etc.). She’s now hostile, possibly being manipulated by a younger ex-neighbor, has contacted many lawyers, and we think she’s preparing to force a partition sale, meaning we could lose our home and livelihood. APS agrees she likely has dementia but won’t act. No lawyer will represent us, possibly because she already called them all. We have extensive video/audio evidence. We need legal advice on stopping a partition sale, pursuing guardianship, and keeping our home.