‘date Everything!’ Made Me Fall In Love With A Bed, So I Can’t Make Fun Of My Girlfriend Anymore (preview)

It’s funny — I remember my first time seeing Date Everything! in January. I was putting together a loose “coverage plan” for February, and I happened to see two games I’d never heard of among the heavy hitters of that month. Afterlove EP and Date Everything!. …Okay, technically, I saw Date Everything! during an indie showcase months prior, and I just remembered it being weird. Since Waypoint is all about the indies, and we had the space, I decided to spotlight it! Who knew that, mere months later, I’d find out how amazing this goddamn game is?

So, unfortunately, there’s not a lot I can specifically tell y’all regarding certain character/plot beats. But, here’s what I can comfortably say to start: Date Everything! is what I hoped it would be and so much more. First, the humor. It’s so hard to be “scripted funny.” But this cast of characters (or the few I’ve met so far, anyway)? Utter delights. Team17, I’m sorry, but I need to ground this preview somehow. I want to talk about the lady who stole my heart — Betty Bed.

Betty is… sultry and seductive. Which makes sense because, you know, she’s your bed. She’s seen some shit. Despite that, her voice made me melt. In those classic cartoons, when the goofy male character sees an attractive lady and goes “HOMINA-HOMINA-HOMINA–AWOOGA, AWOOGA” with the heart eyes? That was me when I first saw Betty in Date Everything!. Team17 and Sassy Chap Games had me all messed up.

well played, sassy chap games and team17. you got me good

Through Betty, I learned two extremely promising aspects of Date Everything! 1. That the game ain’t afraid to get a little nasty. I won’t expound further, but I thought this game would pull punches in terms of raw sexuality. It didn’t. As far as I know, there are no explicit sex scenes or nudity. But, damn, Betty sure made it seem like I’d gotten a preview for a raunchy, unreleased HBO show by accident.

2. I may not have exhausted Betty’s storyline (and I couldn’t divulge even if I did), but things started getting more… intimate than I expected. I don’t mean “sexy,” either. One of the fears I had about Date Everything! was that it’d rely too heavily on “haha-hehe” puns and one-note characters. In the interview I had with Sassy Chap Games, I prodded a bit on how they could possibly make 100 dating options unique and fulfilling.

Well, when Betty teased some deep-rooted fears and traumas? I cheered! …Not because she was experiencing trauma, but because the mad lads at Sassy Chap Games kept their word. With Betty, and even within the other characters I interacted with (but I want Betty, so the rest of them are friend-zoned until further notice). These characters feel real in a way the dating sims I’m used to don’t really dabble in.

‘date everything!’ promised to love me unconditionally, and it did indeed

I’m not saying that Date Everything! is the first “deep” Visual Novel to ever release. But I suppose I greatly underestimated the original vibe I got from the game’s first trailer. Which does not do the game justice. (Though, this Release Trailer certainly does — look! My non-monogamous love will share their greatness on June 17!)

Look, I could sit here and do the typical games journo thing. Here, I’ll speed through the Date Everything! checklist real quick: the graphics are subdued in a way that makes the characters that much more distinctive and charming. The voice acting is stellar. Genuinely hilarious, heartwarming, and titillating — if you’re nasty. Not a single line of dialogue is wasteful or unnecessary. There are objects cleverly hidden in discreet nooks and crannies.

PLEASE. PLAY. DATE EVERYTHING! I’m not going to keep telling y’all. I knew it was a winner when I first locked eyes with it. Not only is it endlessly pleasing on the eyes? But it’s got the depth to match. I almost hate that I have to share with the unwashed masses, but such is life. One day, my love. One day. Oh, my girlfriend fell for the well-written, nature-loving Halsin in Baldur’s Gate 3. I still poke fun at her about that, but seeing as I formed a similar attachment to a bed? I don’t know anymore, man.

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