Leadership Has A Dress Code

I’ve always believed that leadership has a dress code. Not the one about what you wear. This one is about the connections you carry and the circles you run in. You won’t find it in the company handbook or on the values slide during onboarding.

No one admits it exists. But watch long enough, and you’ll see it. And if you happen to inherit it, you wear that uniform every day, knowing a leadership role is coming.

When fitting in was the only option

I learned about dress codes long before corporate America. I learned in a Catholic school classroom, where every morning meant a plaid skirt, a crisp white Oxford shirt and black-and-white saddle shoes. Break the code and you got sent home. As one of the few Black students at my school, I already stood out. So I followed the dress code, every day. The uniform made me feel like I belonged.

When I entered the mortgage industry, the uniform changed but the code didn’t. I was happy to trade the plaid skirt for a business suit. Then I looked around at the leaders and saw my Catholic school days all over again. Tailored suits. Expensive watches. Reserved parking for expensive cars. 

They projected constant confidence, never doubt, and I suspect none of them ever questioned how future leaders got chosen. I found them intimidating. I wasn’t sure I belonged in their conversations, so when we passed in the hallway, I said hello and kept walking. Looking back, I had already decided I didn’t fit the dress code. Maybe that’s exactly what it was designed to do.

A mentor who broke the mold — and made room for me

In my early thirties, I took a role in mortgage warehouse at a bank. My direct manager was a woman, and she later gave me my first leadership promotion. That conversation changed my career. She told me she saw leadership qualities in me and asked about my goals. No one had ever asked. She had the corner office, but nothing else about her leadership fit the mold.

She invested in my growth. She brought me into leadership meetings where she was often the only woman in the room and asked me to weigh in, because she wanted other leaders to hear different perspectives before making decisions. For the first time in my career, I felt like what I said mattered. She challenged the dress code and never apologized for it. That’s when I knew what kind of leader I wanted to be.

Her belief in me opened doors. Today, as Chair of the Women’s Committee for my state mortgage bankers association and a leader in my organization, I carry that responsibility with me.

I no longer believe leadership is about fitting in. My career changed because one leader saw potential instead of demanding conformity. She taught me that leadership isn’t about making everyone look, think and sound the same. It’s about finding talent and making room for people and ideas that don’t match the uniform. So now, every time I lead, mentor or promote someone, I ask myself one question: Am I reinforcing the dress code, or redefining it?

Every leader has that same choice.

Nicole Haba is Head of Client Services at Forta Solutions.

This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of HousingWire’s editorial department and its owners. To contact the editor responsible for this piece: zeb@hwmedia.com.