These 7 Questions Will Reveal If Your Relationship Is Healthy Or Not

Back in February, researchers at Stockholm University created a quiz that helps determine the health of your relationship. Based on “The Valentine Scale,” the quiz poses several statements/questions and answers (rated on a scale). Depending on your score, you’ll learn how to improve or sustain your current relationship.

“This scale makes it possible to quickly and efficiently get an idea of how a relationship is doing, without having to go through long and complicated interviews or questionnaires,” said Per Carlbring, professor of psychology at Stockholm University and one of the researchers behind the study. “It can even be used during couples counselling to monitor progress over time.”

“At the same time, it can predict improvements in quality of life and contribute to a reduction in mental health problems such as anxiety and depression by quickly providing a clear picture of how the relationship is doing and thus enabling early intervention,” he continued.

If you’re curious about your relationship’s health and rightness, consider the quiz’s following points.

1. “I can collaborate well and solve practical problems with my partner.”

This question asks you to explore your and your partner’s ability to solve problems together. Do you guys make a good team, or do you find one of you pulls most of the weight? When there’s conflict, is it you two vs. the problem, or you vs. them? Be honest with yourself as you reflect on your response.

2. “I feel that I can confide in my partner.”

The safety to be vulnerable in a relationship is crucial. If you feel uncomfortable confiding in or trusting your partner with your deepest thoughts and feelings, this is a red flag. While your partner doesn’t need to solve every issue for you, you should, at the very least, feel like you can be honest and authentic with them.

3. “When my partner and I disagree or have a conflict, I quickly get over it.”

The way you move forward from conflict within a relationship can tell you a lot about the health of said relationship. For example, if you’re constantly harping on old arguments or left with unresolved feelings, this can fester into larger issues down the line. The ability to get over disagreements as a team is important to maintaining a healthy relationship.

4. “How often in the recent past have you thought that your relationship is not good?”

Everyone experiences relationship doubts from time to time. However, if you are frequently believing that your relationship isn’t serving you, it’s time to explore these thoughts and emotions with your partner.

5. “How often have you recently considered separating from your partner?”

Constantly feeling like you want to flee your relationship isn’t a good sign. Every healthy relationship has a secure foundation, meaning neither party defaults to “we need to break up” any time an issue arises. 

6. “How emotionally close do you feel to your partner?”

Emotional intimacy is crucial in a lasting, healthy relationship. If you don’t feel close to your partner, it’s important to communicate that to them and find ways to get more connected.

7. “Overall, how satisfied are you with your relationship?”

Though simple in nature, this question might stir up a ton of complex thoughts and feelings. Be brutally honest when answering. If you’re not fully satisfied, that doesn’t mean you have to walk away—it means there’s room to grow together.

Interpreting your results

Once you have your results of this quiz, you can better understand the compatibility and health of your relationship. The higher your score, the better—but don’t panic if you have a low grade.

“If the test result raises concerns, it may be a good idea to talk about what lies behind the answers,” said Carlbring. “Relationships are dynamic and affected by many factors. It may be stress, communication difficulties or other life circumstances. By reflecting together, you can find ways forward, whether it’s strengthening the relationship or making other decisions.”

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