I’m Not Answering The Phone Anymore

Every night, my mom calls me that my dad has kicked her out of the apartment. Well, I say my dad but she refers to him as that man, unclear if she knows he’s my dad and her husband or not.

For context, she lives in memory care, in the same building as my dad’s independent living facility. Every night she wants to go there, every night the answer is the same: no. Last time she spent the night there she ended up in the hallways naked in her wheelchair without my father realizing telling everyone the simulation needed to end. The time before that she tried to accuse my dad of SA, which was unfounded. Then another time she fell and broke her hip.

And yet, almost every night, she calls me to tell me that my father has kicked her out of the apartment that somehow only she can afford. It’s been years now, but the calling has increased. She calls me to tell me what a horrible man he is. She never loved the new man that’s living in the apartment. The man that may or may not be my father or her husband, the story is never straight. She tells me that the father I looked up to is an asshole who is stealing her money and has can’t keep an organized thought. She kind of knows him, she worked at the same office she used to work at, but he’s different now. It’s all a rambling mess of her either crying or shouting at me and when I slip up and accidentally try to correct her instead of meeting her at her reality, now I’m the one that’s an asshole.

I can’t answer the phone anymore. I used to think it was therapeutic for her, but it’s only damaging to me. She’ll forget that she tried to call me within the hour, and if she doesn’t I’ll just tell her that I was busy. I can’t keep going on like this. I don’t need family friends to tell me that I’m being negligent by ignoring her. And I don’t need the woman who claims to be my mom’s best friend that I should engage in discussing current events for hours every night with her to keep her brain healthy. I’m very fortunate and grateful that she’s well cared for because not everyone has it like this, but I’m exhausted just as well.

Anyway, that was my rant. Please don’t judge.

Edit: thank you everyone. I was going to respond to everyone individually but so many people responded. These have been incredibly helpful and I can feel the hugs that many of you have sent.

I’d love to turn my phone off completely, but working in medicine means I need to remain reachable at many times. Using Focus mode to silence her calls may be a good compromise though! I’d also take her phone away, but Dad won’t allow it. She mainly uses it to follow favorite artists on Instagram and can only call me through recent calls or answer known contacts. She can no longer dial numbers, and I suspect she may soon be unable to use the phone at all.