Dad Saying Assisted Living Is A Prison

My mom recently moved into an independent living facility, and we were able to get my dad into personal care in the same facility. They moved in a few days ago. My dad has dementia and also some other mental issues (likely longstanding autism and ADHD). We need my mom to have a break from caregiving, and our hope was that being in the same facility would help ease the transition but it is not going well!

My dad says he is in prison, hates everything, blames me and my mom and says he will walk home or call a taxi home (I don’t think he knows how and he doesn’t drive). He is telling everyone he is calling movers to get the hell out of there. He needs to be there - he tells me he can have 24/7 care at home (he refused aides for years…. )

He’s only a few days in and I’m exhausted - organizing extra aides, trying to find new ones he likes because no one is good enough for him, talking to nurses and staff and dining folks about his preferences, talking him down, going for walks with him to get him oriented, listening to him, trying to connect, yelling at him to change his attitude.

Should we just not see him for a week and he can adjust? Or should my mom and I keep answering his dozens of calls, sitting in his unit with him, explaining why the move happened, empathising with how hard it is etc. I think the nurses think we are enabling him a bit but it’s also genuinely hard for him to- he didn’t send to come here but he cannot live without my mom and she needed something besides my fathers anxiety and isolation.

Any advice? We just suck it up for a few hard weeks or months? Do I let him visit his old house? They didn’t sell it yet so my mom could still go there and stay connected. My dad is someone who has checked himself out of a hospital against doctors wishes so he’s not easy.