Women Think That Having A Boyfriend Is Embarrassing Now

A few days ago, British Vogue published an article called “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing?” Writer Chanté Joseph starts the article by even admitting herself that she mutes or unfollows women if their social media feeds start becoming “‘my boyfriend’-ified.” Throughout her article, she explains that there’s a clear shift in how people are sharing their relationships online — and for several different reasons. It’s ultimately taken off online, with many related posts discussing the article going viral. For the most part, it seems that many women, regardless of whether or not they even have boyfriends themselves, can relate. 

Exhibit A: This woman spinning around to the Mamma Mia! version of “The Winner Takes It All” with overlaid text saying “How it feels to be single after British Vogue declared that having a boyfriend is embarrassing.”

Joseph goes on to explain that for a long time, social media was a place where women were praised for getting into a relationship. Dedicating your social media feed to showcasing your relationship could often lead to increased engagement or even financial gain. Think of any influencer couple you’ve seen online; with the right combination of follower counts, content and brand deals, they could be raking in some pretty decently sized payments for posting about their relationship. 

Now, recently coupled-up women are more frequently taking the approach of a “soft launch”: A lowkey social media relationship reveal that includes subtle signs while omitting a partner’s face. “More recently, there’s been a pronounced shift in the way people showcase their relationships online: far from fully hard-launching romantic partners, straight women are opting for subtler signs—a hand on a steering wheel, clinking glasses at dinner, or the back of someone’s head,” Joseph writes.

Joseph continues, writing what she initially felt like was going on: “To me, it feels like the result of women wanting to straddle two worlds: one where they can receive the social benefits of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend-obsessed that they come across as quite culturally loser-ish.” 

Joseph elaborated about her reporting process and findings in a recent TikTok that, as you could probably predict, has also gone viral. Like in her article, she explains in the video some of the reasons that women have become more hesitant about posting their partners: Some told her it had to do with having privacy in a relationship. Some spoke about “the evil eye,” where people viewing the posts who may be jealous could impact the couple and their relationship. Some felt scared or ashamed about posting, especially in the event the relationship fails and they have to inevitably delete all their photos. Other people in her article said they don’t want to boast about their relationship amid a dreary dating landscape and how “content” becomes more “watered down” once you’re in a relationship. But both single and coupled people she spoke to, she explains, shared one common idea: Posting about your significant other was simply just an embarrassing thing to do. 

A lot of influencers she spoke with, she says in the TikTok, said they lost followers once they started posting their boyfriends: “Now you are someone’s girlfriend and you’re posting about this, it’s something that people automatically disengage from.” 

Joseph has also been receiving backlash, with some women apparently sliding into her DMs to start some “not my man” discourse. “I’m telling you, it’s embarrassing, period,” she says. Women in loving relationships have also been DMing her to say that they even recognize it’s embarrassing, and Joseph continues to say that it isn’t the women’s fault, but men’s. “The way men have behaved in romantic relationships is nothing short of emotional terrorism,” she says in a TikTok. I’d also like to note that feeling the need to defend your partner after being fed information like this is pretty invalidating to every woman sharing their negative experiences. 

To be clear — Joseph is never solely against being in love or dating generally. “Obviously, there’s no shame in falling in love,” she writes in the article. “But there’s also no shame in trying and failing to find it—or not trying at all. And as long as we’re openly rethinking and criticizing heteronormativity, ‘having a boyfriend’ will remain a somewhat fragile, or even contentious, concept within public life.” 

The article is voraciously circling social media, with many women chiming in and agreeing — and going viral for it.  

“I think that in a world full of hate, seeing love is actually refreshing and a beautiful thing every once and a while, but I think it’s so exciting because women are finally waking up to the idea that having a boyfriend is basically the least interesting thing about you,” one TikTok explained.

“Ladies we did it, romance is coming back. Men step up or leave us alone,” the overlaid text in this video says.

“I think that if you have a partner, if you’re in a relationship with a man, and you found this article insulting, the call is coming from inside the house,” another noted.

Even men have joined in the conversation, highlighting how this should be a wake-up call for other men. 

“To the smart, independent women, good salary, nice place, we provide no benefit,” user @walking.with.mr.darcy says. “We are no longer the priority. In fact, we’re probably a burden to them. We need to realize that having a girlfriend is a privilege.” 

“What I think Vogue was saying is that yes, having a boyfriend is embarrassing if you attach yourself to someone who is pulling you down,” one man said on TikTok.

As a woman, I fully get it and am on board — even considering that I myself am in a healthy long-term relationship. I also can’t help but think about the influence of the manosphere here. Misogyny is increasingly becoming more rampant, especially online, and “alpha male” influencers are convincing young boys and men that they are the prize, giving them a heightened sense of self-worth — and it’s coming at the cost of harmful discourse about women. 

Are we pivoting to a new era where women are not just put off by men, but openly embarrassed by the entire concept of dating in the first place? Is that what it will take for many men to finally see the light? Can we digest this information as a definitive warning sign that something needs to start to change? I can only hope. 

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