What Your Dating Profile Photos Say About You

Look, I’ve been coaching singles for over a decade, and I can tell you this: your online dating photos are doing ALL the talking before you even get a chance to say hello. They’re your first impression, your opening line, and your chance to show who you really are… all wrapped up in a few squares on a screen.

So let’s break down what your dating profile photo choices are actually saying about you. And trust me, sometimes the message you’re sending isn’t the one you think you’re sending.

Too Many Group Shots

Okay, let’s start here because I see this ALL the time. If all your photos are you surrounded by five of your closest friends, here’s what I’m hearing: “Good luck figuring out which one I am!”

I get it, you want to show you’re social and fun. That’s great! But your potential match shouldn’t need to play Where’s Waldo just to see your face. Your main photo needs to be just you. Clear, smiling, looking at the camera. Save the group shot for photo three or four, where they actually work beautifully to show your social side. And please, only ONE group photo is enough!

What it says: “I might be hiding behind my friends” or “I’m not confident enough to stand alone”

What you want it to say: “I have a great social life AND I’m confident being myself”

The Sunglasses in Every Photo

Listen, I love a good pair of sunglasses. They’re stylish, they’re practical, and yes, they make everyone look cool. But if I can’t see your eyes in ANY of your photos? That’s a problem.

Eyes create connection. They show warmth, openness, and authenticity. When you hide behind sunglasses in every single picture, it feels like you’re hiding, period. One sunglasses photo? Totally fine. All of them? That’s giving off “I’m not ready to be seen” energy.

What it says: “I’m emotionally unavailable” or “I have something to hide”

What you want it to say: “I’m open, approachable, and ready to connect”

The “I’m So Spontaneous” Blurry Photo

I know that blurry photo from your friend’s wedding reception feels authentic and in-the-moment, but here’s the thing: if I can’t clearly see what you look like, it’s not helping your cause.

Dating apps are visual. That’s just the reality. You need at least a few clear, well-lit dating profile photos where people can actually see your face. Spontaneity is wonderful… in real life. On your profile, clarity wins.

What it says: “I don’t care enough to put in effort” or “I’m trying to hide what I actually look like”

What you want it to say: “I’m fun AND I take this seriously enough to show up well”

The Decade-Old Photo

Look, I’m going to be gentle here, but also honest with you: that photo from 2015 when you were 20 years younger and had different hair? It’s not doing you any favors.

I know why people do this. You looked GOOD in that photo. You felt confident. But here’s what happens: when you show up to that first date looking noticeably different, you’ve immediately created a trust issue. Your date feels deceived, and you feel self-conscious. Nobody wins.

Use recent photos within the last year, ideally within the last six months. Because the person who shows up on the date needs to match the person in the photos.

What it says: “I’m not honest” or “I’m not comfortable with who I am now”

What you want it to say: “This is who I am, and I’m confident about it”

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The Shirtless/Overly Sexy Photos

Okay, let’s address the elephant in the room, or should I say, the abs on the screen?

Listen, I’m not here to shame anyone’s body. If you’ve worked hard and feel confident, that’s amazing! But leading with shirtless bathroom mirror pics or photos that scream “I’m trying to be sexy” is rarely the move you think it is.

Here’s what happens: people make assumptions. They assume you’re just looking for hookups, that you’re overly focused on physical attraction, or that you don’t have much else to offer. Even if none of that is true! You might be the most emotionally available, relationship-ready person out there, but that shirtless pic is drowning out everything else.

And for my ladies doing the overly sexy poses…the bedroom selfies, the cleavage shots, the “come hither” looks, the same thing applies. You’re attracting attention, sure, but is it the RIGHT attention? Or are you attracting people who see you as a physical object rather than a whole person?

One beach or pool photo where you happen to be shirtless? That’s lifestyle. That’s normal. But make it about the MOMENT, not the muscles. Show me you at the beach with friends, not flexing for the mirror.

What it says: “I’m only interested in physical attraction” or “I don’t think I have much else to offer”

What you want it to say: “I’m confident in my body AND I have depth and substance”

The Gym-Only Selfie Collection

Speaking of fitness, I’m all for it. Truly! If the gym is a big part of your life, absolutely show that. But if every single photo is a shirtless mirror selfie at the gym? We need to talk.

This screams one thing: vanity. It says your body is the most interesting thing about you, and that your personality might need a little more development. One fitness photo? Great! And keep your shirt on guys! It shows you’re active and take care of yourself. Six of them? That’s overkill.

What it says: “I’m self-absorbed” or “I don’t have much else going on”

What you want it to say: “I’m fit AND well-rounded”

The Fish Photo (Seriously, Stop)

Oh boy. Here we go. Gentlemen, we need to have a conversation about the fish.

I don’t know who started this trend or why it became such a universal thing, but holding up a dead fish in your dating profile is NOT the flex you think it is. I’ve asked countless women about this, and the response is pretty much universal: “Why? Just… why?”

Here’s the thing, if fishing is genuinely a huge part of your life and you need a partner who’s going to be cool with 5am wake-ups and weekends on the boat, okay, I get wanting to show that. But even then, one photo is MORE than enough. And maybe make it about the experience of you fishing, not the dead-eyed catch?

Multiple fish photos? That’s telling me you have one hobby and zero awareness of what might be attractive to potential partners. It’s giving “I’d rather be fishing than on this date” energy, and nobody’s swiping right on that.

Also…and I cannot stress this enough, that fish is not cute. It’s not impressive. It’s a fish. We’re not bonding over it.

What it says: “I’m clueless about what attracts people” or “Fishing is my whole personality”

What you want it to say: “I have hobbies I’m passionate about, and I know how to read the room”

The Bathroom Selfie

The bathroom selfie gets a bad rap, but let me be nuanced here: not all bathroom selfies are created equal.

A well-lit bathroom with a clean mirror, where you look put together and are checking yourself out before a night out? That can work in a pinch. But the messy bathroom, dirty mirror, toilet in the background situation? No. Just no. That’s showing a lack of awareness that doesn’t translate well to dating.

What it says: “I don’t think about how I present myself”

What you want it to say: “I’m intentional about how I show up”

Photos With Your Ex (Or With Them Cropped Out)

Please tell me you’re not doing this. PLEASE. I don’t care how good you looked in that photo—if your ex is in it, or if there’s a mysterious arm around you that’s been cropped out, it’s sending major red flag energy.

It says you’re not over them, you’re lazy about your profile, or both. Take new photos. I promise they’ll be worth it.

What it says: “I’m not over my ex” or “I can’t be bothered to make an effort”

What you want it to say: “I’m ready for something new”

The Only-Selfie Profile

If every single one of your photos is a selfie, here’s what I’m wondering: Do you ever leave your house? Do you have friends? Do you do anything interesting?

I know that sounds harsh, but variety is key. Selfies are fine, they show you can take a decent photo of yourself and you know your angles. But mix it up! Show me you at that concert, on that hike, at your friend’s party, cooking dinner, or traveling. Give me a glimpse into your actual life.

What it says: “My life might be kind of boring”
What you want it to say: “I have a rich, full life I’d love to share with someone”

So What SHOULD Your Photos Say?

Here’s the golden formula I give all my clients:

Photo 1: Clear headshot, just you, smiling, looking at the camera. Good lighting. Recent.

Photo 2: Full body shot so people can see your build and style. Doesn’t have to be formal, just clear.

Photo 3: You doing something you love: playing guitar, hiking, cooking, whatever lights you up.

Photo 4: A social photo with friends or family (but not as the main photo!).

Photo 5: Something that shows your personality: maybe it’s funny, maybe it’s adventurous, maybe it’s thoughtful.

Photo 6: A bonus lifestyle shot: traveling, at an event, anything that rounds out who you are.

Your photos should tell a story. The story of someone who is confident, authentic, has a full life, and is ready to share it with the right person. They should make someone think, “Wow, they seem fun and genuine. I’d love to meet them.”

And here’s the secret: the best photos aren’t always the ones where you look the most physically attractive. They’re the ones where you look the most LIKE YOURSELF. Where your personality shines through. Where you look happy, engaged, and real.

Because at the end of the day, you’re not trying to attract everyone. You’re trying to attract YOUR person. And your person wants to meet the real you. Not a filtered, outdated, or artificially polished version. Your dating profile is like target marketing, and every small detail matters. I can help you attract your ideal partner. If you’re struggling with online dating, let’s connect. Schedule a Free Relationship Readiness Review with me here.

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