To Be In A Place Where The Lion’s Share Of My Healing Journey Is Behind Me

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is an author, essayist, and the voice behind the now-defunct award-winning single motherhood blog, Single Mama NYC. You can find her essays in TueNight, Romper, Raising Mothers, and Loud Coffee Press among other literary publications, and you can find her book, Grief Thoughts: Brief Anecdotes On Profound Loss, at most major booksellers. Issa lives in New York City with her son, Theodore, and their dog, Jake. As a practicing Buddhist for over 20 years she brings a wealth of wisdom and lovingkindness to the lives of others, but as a native New Yorker her prolific use of profanity will never end. You can find her sporadically posted thoughts on Substack under Issa M. Mas, and you can connect with her on Bluesky and Threads at @IssaMas, on Facebook at https://m.facebook.com/issamaswriter, or on Instagram at @GriefThoughtsBook.

1. What are you reading now?

The Gilda Stories by Jewelle Gomez

1. What are your most beloved books from your youth? Did you ever hide any from your parents?

As a very young Gen X kid I loved all of the Judy Blume books, but I read Stephen King’s Christine at 11 years old and I was a huge Stephen King and Dean Koontz fan from that point onward. I never had to hide what I was reading.

1. What’s your favorite book to reread? Any that helped you through a dark time?

I have, and I’m now realizing how odd this may be, never reread a book. Ever. Even ones I adore. It’s as if, once I’m done with them, I want them to live inside of me exactly as I first experienced them. Maybe on some level I feel as if, to reread them, would be to break the initial spell it had over me. As for books that helped through a dark time, Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now is at the top of that list.

1. What’s an article of clothing that makes you feel most like you?

Jeans. A good pair of jeans makes me feel at home in my ever-changing body. I have 4 different sizes of jeans in my closet to accommodate whichever Issa shows up to the closet that day.

1. What’s the best piece of wisdom you’ve encountered recently?

That romantic adult relationships are really a relationship between two people’s inner children and the wounds they bring with them into adulthood. Heal your childhood traumas and you heal both yourself and your relationships.

1. Tell me about any special relationship you’ve had with an animal, domestic or wild.

I’m convinced that my dog, Jake, is a reincarnated human and that we were in each other’s lives in previous incarnations. For some that will sound insane, but for anyone who has loved an animal with their entire soul and felt that love poured back into them by that animal, they likely know exactly what I mean.

1. What’s one thing you are happy worked out differently than you expected?

When I called off my wedding at 2 months pregnant, I was terrified and ashamed of being a single mom. 18 years later it remains as one of the best decisions I ever made. Every day as a single parent was hard in some way, but every year that has gone by was deeply magical. My son has saved me more times than I can count, and I am eternally grateful for how things actually worked out for us.

1. Singing in the shower or dancing in the kitchen? Or another favorite way your body expresses itself?

Both! I love to sing and dance, so when I’m cooking I’m usually doing it to music and dancing along (I’m an Afrobeats dance CHAMPION in the confines of my kitchen!), and when I’m in the shower I have music playing that I sing along to, which is usually Jazz music where I can pretend I’m Ella or Sarah, or 80s pop music where I can pretend I’m Whitney or the lead singer from A-ha.

1. What are your hopes for yourself?

To be in a place where the lion’s share of my healing journey is behind me.

1. What’s a kindness that changed your life?

When my dad died, my best friend would come over and do my dishes, among other seemingly “small” things for and with me. They may have seemed like small things to others, but having someone by your side who showed up for you when you couldn’t show up for yourself is often what saves you in life.

1. What’s a guiding force in your life?

My dad. He’s been gone ten years but everything he taught me guides me to this day. He was a complicated man, who made his share of mistakes, but his level of integrity was unparalleled and the standard by which I measure the integrity of the people I allow in my life.

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