Thankfully, I’ve been out of the dating game for a while. But there is a lot of dating advice floating around out there. Not all of it is good. However, some experts have shared some tips about how to attract the right person. Here are 10 things that can help you get on the right track in your love life.

How to Attract the Right Person Starts With You

1. Be Clear on What You Want—And What You Won’t Tolerate

Clarity is the foundation of attraction, says relationship coach Samantha Jayne. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, how can someone else meet your needs? Jayne recommends writing out your non-negotiables and must-haves before entering the dating pool. This helps avoid falling for the wrong person just because they’re convenient or charming.

2. Authenticity Is Magnetic—Stop Trying to Impress

According to dating strategist Matthew Hussey, many people make the mistake of performing instead of being. Pretending to like certain things or hiding quirks may get attention, but it won’t keep the right kind of partner around. When you’re unapologetically yourself, you make it easier for someone to truly connect with you. Hussey emphasizes that real compatibility begins when you stop editing yourself. To attract the right person, lead with honesty, not perfection.

3. Work on Your Inner Confidence Before You Date

Confidence isn’t just about appearance—it’s about how you feel inside, says psychologist Dr. Laura Berman. People who carry self-assurance tend to radiate energy that naturally draws others in. That means doing the inner work to heal past wounds and build a fulfilling life on your own. A strong sense of self-worth makes you less likely to settle for someone unworthy of you.

4. Set Healthy Boundaries Right Away

Boundaries are attractive, not off-putting, says licensed therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab. They show that you value your time, your emotions, and your future. Whether it’s about how quickly the relationship progresses or what kind of communication you expect, setting boundaries filters out people who aren’t compatible. The right person will respect those boundaries and even admire them.

5. Ditch the Checklist and Look for Emotional Intelligence

While it’s good to know what you want, dating expert Damona Hoffman warns against rigid checklists. Many people miss out on great partners because they’re too focused on surface-level traits like height or income. Instead, she advises focusing on emotional intelligence: empathy, honesty, and the ability to resolve conflict. These are the real indicators of lasting compatibility. If you want to attract the right person, look deeper than what’s on paper.

6. Let Go of Past Relationship Baggage

Unhealed trauma or resentment from past relationships can sabotage new ones, warns dating coach Evan Marc Katz. Carrying emotional baggage often leads to mistrust, insecurity, or unrealistic expectations. Katz advises taking the time to process past experiences so they don’t cloud your new connections. Emotional clarity helps you see a new person for who they truly are, not as a reflection of someone who hurt you.

7. Cultivate a Life That Already Makes You Happy

Coach and author Mark Groves says one of the most attractive things you can do is live a life that excites you, whether you’re single or partnered. When someone sees that you have a passion, purpose, and joy, they’re drawn to be part of that world. People who chase love out of loneliness often attract people who don’t fulfill them. A full life is a magnet for emotionally healthy partners.

8. Stay Off the Apps—At Least Occasionally

Dating apps can be useful, but they also promote a fast-food mentality toward dating, says Dr. Alexandra Solomon. Endless swiping creates unrealistic expectations and disconnects us from real-world chemistry. Solomon suggests balancing online efforts with offline opportunities, like volunteering or attending community events. In-person interactions help you pick up on nuances and emotional presence. The right person may be closer than you think—if you’re paying attention.

9. Watch How They Treat Others, Not Just You

Dating coach Monique Kelley stresses the importance of observing how your date interacts with others. Kindness, respect, and humility toward strangers and service workers are great indicators of someone’s true character. Many people show their best face at the beginning, but how they behave when they don’t “have to” says more. This observational dating style helps you avoid charmers with bad intentions.

10. Don’t Rush the Process—Attraction Grows Over Time

“Love at first sight” is a myth for most, says relationship counselor Tracy McMillan. The strongest relationships often build gradually as emotional safety develops. Give yourself time to understand who someone really is before getting too attached. The urge to “lock it down” quickly can make you miss red flags or compatibility gaps.

The Truth About Love: It’s Not a Chase, It’s a Match

Attracting the right person isn’t about luck—it’s about alignment. When you lead with authenticity, clarity, and self-respect, the people who match that energy are drawn to you naturally. Every expert here agrees: real love starts with you. Instead of trying to “win” someone over, focus on becoming someone worth choosing. And in that process, the right person just might find you without effort.

Which of these expert tips resonated with you the most? Share your thoughts or your own advice in the comments—we’d love to hear your perspective!

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