How To Meet Men In Japan: Dating Tips For Foreign Women

Trying to figure out how to meet men in Japan can feel like a minefield. Even if you meet guys you can communicate with, you want to be sure they aren’t just chasing foreign women, or seeing you as casual arm candy rather than relationship material.

Nevertheless, there are still plenty of ways to meet worthwhile men in Japan. In my own single days, I found first dates through work, friends, organised events, dating apps and language exchange. Early on, I was even able to meet local guys without speaking Japanese. And, yes, I also got nanpa’d (asked out in the street) a few times, too.

Through these experiences, I picked up a few tips about the best ways to meet men in Japan and how to avoid those I didn’t want to meet. Read on for advice about putting yourself out there and making connections.

1. How Do I Meet Men in Japan?
2. Read The Room and Take Things Slow
3. Do I need to speak Japanese?
4. What About Nanpa?
5. Cultural differences
6. Putting Yourself Out There

How Do I Meet Men in Japan?

Pretty much how you meet everyone else.

While there are infinite ways to potentially meet men in Japan (sometimes just standing on a street corner looking lost is enough!), there are a few tried-and-tested ways to maximize your chances of finding a date.

• Ask Friends and Acquaintances: Your social circle is the easiest way to meet quality matches; shared friends usually mean shared interests and an easy common language.
  
• Organize a Group Date: Low-pressure and very “Japan;” invite a few single friends and have them bring guys they know. Even without sparks, you grow your network.
  
• Go to Meetups and Events: Do your hobbies (climbing, painting, cafe-hopping) and meet like-minded men. Sites like Meetup mix foreigners and Japanese.
  
• Join Language Exchange Groups: Great if your Japanese is shaky. Try events or apps like HelloTalk; many profiles say “no romance” if they’re strictly studying, so read the room.
  
• Get to Know People at Work: Stay professional, but office crushes sometimes become real relationships. Be mindful of company culture and potential misunderstandings.

Dating Apps in Japan

The list of dating apps worth your time in Japan might be different from your home country. Hinge, for example, is a much-loved dating app back in the UK, but when I tried it in Japan (where it hasn’t officially been launched), I exhausted my potential matches in a day.

Tinder, on the other hand, has plenty of users in Japan but is also home to many suspiciously minimal profiles with no photos. It’s also associated with casual hook-ups rather than relationships.

Here are some better dating apps that offer both English and Japanese:

• Hinge is one of the most popular English-language apps, but it hasn’t officially launched in Japan. When I opened it in Tokyo, I ran out of potential matches in a single day. So which apps are worth a try?
  
• Tinder is popular—but a bit of a mess. In my experience, many Japanese men write almost nothing on their profiles, sometimes not even adding a photo. Overall, it skews more toward casual hook-ups than serious dating.
  
• Bumble is good for connecting with other foreigners. I had better luck finding matches there, but it leans toward the expat community (at least on the women’s side).
  
• OKCupid is a great option for foreign women. When I struggled to make promising matches in Japan, my Japanese girlfriends suggested OKCupid. I matched with several respectful Japanese men who spoke English well, including one who became my boyfriend for a time.

For more information, check out GaijinPot’s article on 10 popular dating apps in Japan.

How About Bars and Clubs?

You might think catching someone’s eye on a night out would be a top way to snag a date—but it doesn’t always work that way in Japan.

Bars and clubs often aren’t the best places to meet men. Traditional izakaya tend to be where groups of friends or coworkers stick to themselves rather than mingle. If you head to a foreign-style bar like Hub, you’ll probably have better luck starting conversations. However, many women complain that these spaces attract not-so-great men. The same goes for clubs, where conversation is hard and men tend to hit on you based on your looks.

If you want to meet people offline, start by doing what you love. When you’re out pursuing your interests, you’ll naturally meet men with similar passions. Sites like Meetup host organized events that bring together foreigners and Japanese hobbyists alike. It’s a far better way to widen your social circle—and find dates—than just going to bars.

Read The Room and Take Things Slow

Are you the one just trying to date a Japanese guy?

I have friends and acquaintances in Japan who found dates and more in the workplace. However, I’ve heard just as many tales of foreign girls misinterpreting a co-worker’s friendliness—or interest in practising English—and winding up disappointed.

If a co-worker suggests or accepts an invitation to meet outside of work, don’t jump to conclusions. You can even gently ask whether the get-together equals a date, especially if it’s a second or third outing. If the answer is no, take it on the chin and don’t let it affect your working relationship.

Do I need to speak Japanese?

Probably. It’s only natural that speaking Japanese increases your chances of meeting—and getting along with—a Japanese person. Knowing Japanese also signals you’re comfortable in Japan in the long term, which makes men (and women) see you as real material in a relationship. My own dating experiences became far more meaningful once I reached even an intermediate level, and I quickly noticed men taking me more seriously.

Speaking Japanese also opens the door to Japanese-only dating apps (Pairs, Tapple, With and Omiai). These usually charge men to send messages but are free for women, so if you’re bilingual and looking for a serious relationship, they’re worth a try.

That said, actively learning Japanese can be a dating superpower. The single most common way my friends and I have found dates and boyfriends—including my current partner—has been language exchange. This includes in-person events (Meetup, etc.) and conversation apps like HelloTalk.

What About Nanpa?

Keep in mind you’re probably not the only one they’ve asked that day.

If you’re a woman who plans to stay in Japan for a good amount of time, at some point you’ll experience nanpa—being asked out by a stranger in a public place. Nanpa is generally harmless, though it does have a bit of a seedy reputation. Plus, some men can be more persistent than others.

Nanpa usually occurs in busy locations with plenty of foot traffic. Roughly half of my own experiences occurred in central Shinjuku. But I’ve also been asked out by strangers at quiet train stations, in a restaurant, and even at the convenience store!

Most of the men who asked me out this way didn’t speak much English. Naively, I thought this meant a quick “Gomennasai, nihongo o hansemasen” (“I’m sorry, I can’t speak Japanese.”) would put off unwanted suitors – but men confident enough to nanpa aren’t always put off by something as flimsy as a language barrier! Here are a few expressions you can try instead.

How To Say No

Most men will take the hint simply by ignoring them, but if they persist, you can say:

If you are interested, you can suggest exchanging LINE. If you’re unsure, you can also exchange LINE and simply block him later if you feel uncomfortable. Make sure to plan your first meeting in a public place to keep things safe and let a friend know what your plans are for the day.

If he tries to follow you, head straight for the nearest kouban (police box) and ask for help. Most train stations have a kouban nearby where a police officer is stationed twenty-four hours a day.

What If I Want To Ask a Stranger Out?

While nanpa is typically associated with men approaching women, there’s nothing to stop you trying it out in reverse! Japanese men may be taken aback by a foreign woman approaching them out of the blue, but many will be pleasantly surprised.

So if someone catches your eye, there’s nothing to lose by starting a conversation and seeing where it goes. Here are some opening lines you can try:

If they seem keen to engage you in conversation and ask follow-up questions, you can ask whether they’d like to exchange LINE. If he seems reluctant to keep chatting, however, let it go and move on.

Cultural differences

Their family is going to love you.

A few cultural differences in Japan can change the dating game somewhat. Here are a couple of things it’s helpful to be mindful of.

Traditional gender roles

Compared with many other countries, Japan still has fairly traditional views about the roles of men and women in dating and relationships. Men usually expect to be the ones to ask a woman out and probably to pay for the first date. These attitudes can indicate more old-fashioned views on relationships in general, which you may want to avoid.

Non-Confrontational Communication and Ghosting

Ghosting is by no means a Japan-only phenomenon, but it does suit the Japanese preference for indirect communication. Many men would prefer not to reply rather than directly say they aren’t interested. So, if a guy goes quiet, it’s best to take the hint and move on.

Men with International Experience

Japanese men who are well-travelled and speak a degree of English tend to be more open-minded about equality in dating and relationships. They’re also often better equipped at communicating their needs and wishes in general. Doubly so if they have experience living abroad. This is one of the many reasons connecting through mutual friends, language exchanges and internationally-popular dating apps are such great ways to meet men in Japan.

Putting Yourself Out There

At the end of the day, meeting men in Japan is mostly a question of creating opportunities to meet people, full stop. Connect with friends and people who share your interests. Improve your Japanese and widen your social circle through language exchange. Know which apps to sign up for, and which to avoid. Accept rejections and disappointments with grace and move on – there are plenty of fish in the sea.

As long as you stay confident, stay open-minded and stay yourself, you’ll have no problem meeting men and setting up dates in Japan.

Do you have any advice for meeting men in Japan? Let us know in the comments.