9 Things You Wish Your Married Friends Knew About Being Single Over The Holidays

The holidays can magnify feelings of loneliness and isolation – especially when you’re navigating them as a single woman after years of celebrating as part of a couple.

As a dating coach for women over 50, I hear the ache in women’s voices when they talk about spending the holidays without their partner and feeling disconnected from their married friends during what used to be their favorite time of year.

They wish they could explain what it’s really like to face empty chairs at holiday dinners, couples-oriented parties, and family gatherings without their spouse sitting across from them.

Over the years, single women divorced and widowed have shared their thoughts about the holidays. I’ve put together the 9 most common concerns I’ve heard from them about navigating the holidays as a single person they wish they could share with their married friends.

My hope is that this opens everyone’s eyes – single and married – to be more compassionate and aware of what the holidays can feel like when life changes and you find yourself celebrating on your own instead of as part of a couple.

#1: We Know You Mean Well When You Tell Us What a Great Catch We Are or That We’ll Find Someone Special Soon

But when the holidays arrive and we’re still alone, those reassurances can make us feel like we’ve failed somehow.

What helps most is when our married friends simply acknowledge that the holidays are hard, and they reach out to let us know they’re thinking of us.

#2: Please Don’t Assume We Want to Be Alone – Or That We’re “Doing Fine” Just Because We Haven’t Reached Out

The holidays amplify feelings of loss and loneliness, and sometimes we withdraw because we don’t want to burden anyone or feel like a third wheel.

If you haven’t heard from us, it means more than you know when you reach out with a specific invitation – not just, “Let me know if you need anything,” but something like:

“I’m hosting a casual dinner on December 20th and would love for you to join us.”

#3: We’d Love to Still Be Included in the Holiday Gatherings We’ve Always Enjoyed

We miss connecting with our couple friends during the festivities we used to share.

We were part of the group for a long time, and it hurts to suddenly be excluded from traditions we helped create just because our relationship status changed.

Even if it feels a little different now, your invitation says, “You still matter to us.”

#4: If We’re Dating Someone New, Please Give Him a Chance at Your Holiday Events

We know it can be an adjustment to see us with someone else – especially during a season filled with memories of our previous partner.

Whether this man is in our life for six months or becomes a long-term partner, it means a lot when you make an effort to welcome him.

Your warmth helps us feel less isolated during a time that can already feel tender and uncertain.

#5: Please Know That Certain Questions at Holiday Gatherings Can Catch Us Off Guard – Especially in Front of Others

Questions like, “Are you seeing anyone?” or “How are you spending the holidays?” are often asked with genuine care, but they can put us on the spot when we’re already feeling vulnerable about being single during the holidays.

A simple, “It’s so good to see you,” or “I’m really glad you’re here,” can feel incredibly comforting and gives us space to share what we’re comfortable sharing, when we’re ready.

#6: We Can Spend a Lot of Holiday Evenings Alone

This is especially true if our kids live far away or are celebrating with their other parent or in-laws.

An invitation like, “Let’s do dinner together sometime during the season – bring your husband too,” can mean the world.

We’re not trying to step into your marriage. We simply miss the warmth of couple friendships and the comfort of being part of a familiar circle.

#7: The Holidays Highlight Just How Much We’ve Had to Handle on Our Own

That might look like rattling around in a house that now feels too big, adjusting to a downsized space without room for all our decorations, creating new traditions from scratch, or learning how to show up at the holiday events as a single woman after years of being part of a couple.

If you have a partner to share both the joy and the stress of the season with, that truly is a gift.

We’re doing all of this alone, and this is a time when your support and thoughtfulness really matter.

#8: Many of Us Are Strong, Successful Women – But That Doesn’t Mean We’re Not Hurting

We’ve learned how to put on a brave face, and we often act as if everything is fine at holiday gatherings.

Sometimes, when we feel close and safe with you, it all pours out – we share more than we meant to, simply because we don’t have many places where we can say how hard this season really feels.

We don’t mean to overwhelm you. We’re just deeply grateful to have a friend who lets us be real.

#9: We Treasure Our Friendship – And We’re Here for You, Too

We know the holidays can be stressful even when you have a partner: family drama, financial pressure, packed schedules, and of course the endless to-do lists.

Please don’t feel like you can’t share your struggles with us just because we’re single.

We still want to be the friend who listens, helps, and shows up for you. Our friendship matters to us, and it absolutely goes both ways.

Now It’s Your Turn…

Does this resonate with you – whether you’re single or married? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Agree? Disagree? Have something you’d add? Share in the comments below.