My Mom Died, And My Brothers Want To Sell The Family Home. How Do I Convince Them To Let Me Buy Their Share?

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• For Love & Money is a column from Business Insider answering your relationship and money questions.
• This week, a reader doesn't want to sell the family home, but their brothers disagree.
• Our columnist suggests insisting on an equitable plan that might make selling to you more desirable.
• Got a question for our columnist? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.

Dear For Love & Money,

My mom recently passed away and left my older brothers and me the family home and the 40 acres that it sits on. We've always been very different people. I like animals, being outdoors, and working with my hands. My brothers enjoy watching sports and playing video games.

I want to keep the land and farm it. They want to sell it and split the proceeds. I know one of them is hard up for cash. I think the best solution is for me to buy their shares and keep the place.

The issue is that I've offered them the appraisal value, and they feel like in our area, in this market, they could make substantially more than that. They're insisting on giving me a third of the land (not the part with the house on it), and taking offers on the rest.

Besides my dream of having a farm someday, I know my parents would have wanted us to keep the land. How do I get my brothers to see reason and to do the right thing by me and our parents' memory?

Sincerely,

Trying to Keep It in the Family

Dear Trying,

Dividing an inheritance tends to be more complicated than it may seem from the outset. We want to believe that our sibling relationships will be strong enough to handle something as temporary and materialistic as the dissemination of the family fortune. But even if you avoid any lasting damage, you often still hit a few speed bumps.

I have five siblings. We all grew up in the same house with the same parents, so you might think we all have the same basic value system. Sometimes we do, and sometimes we don't.

For instance, some of us see holiday gatherings as something akin to a natural phenomenon — if you're breathing, you make it work. Some of my siblings don't see it that way. They believe family should offer unconditional flexibility and grace. You probably picked up from my pronoun usage that I land in the former school of thought. This doesn't mean my other siblings are wrong; their perspective is as valid as mine. It's just different.

I tell you all this because working the land and preserving your parents' property as a family legacy is a beautiful value to hold, but that doesn't make your brothers wrong for not sharing it. Your parents didn't put a no-sell clause in their will, so there's no reason to see your brothers' desire to sell as a betrayal of your parents' memories.

That said, your perspective is also valid. As the outdoorsy sibling, it would make sense that you may have spent more time with your parents out on the land, watching them work, and hearing them dream about the future of the family and home they built.

I don't say this to dissuade you from fighting for the property. I think you should. I only point out the validity of various perspectives and priorities because I know how natural it feels to attach value judgments to personal conviction, and those are the fuel of most family feuds. You can push to get your way, buy out your siblings, and keep your parents' land together without causing an irreparable rift between you and your brothers.

First, you should have the entire property surveyed and appraised. You mentioned your brothers wanting to give you a third of the land that doesn't include the house. Will your share have road access, water, gas, or electrical hookups? Giving you the third of land that is unusable isn't fair.

Once you have a clearer picture of their portions' worth compared to yours, you can insist on a more equitable plan. This may mean taking your third and receiving some of the proceeds from the sale of the rest. This alone could convince your brothers to let you buy them out.

Think of other ways you might sweeten the pot, based on their attachments to the place. You could host annual bonfires, allow them to continue storing their stuff in the barn, or offer them hunting rights if that's their thing. You mentioned farming; if you plan to run cows, offer them a side of beef at Christmas, free eggs, or produce from the garden every summer. Whatever you choose, the point is to underline the benefit of selling to family. Consult with realtors in your area to ensure you're making a great offer.

However, if your siblings hear you out and still choose to take their chances on the open market, you can also take that route. Go through a real estate agent with the same offer. A tract of land that size doesn't usually sell quickly. Not to mention how rarely buyers want to risk paying significantly over appraisal value.

Remember, you don't have to be right or prove your brothers wrong over the morality of the issue to have the smartest plan moving forward. In such cases, let the facts speak for themselves. Your offer will be a tough one to beat.

Rooting for you,

For Love & Money

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