When an older parent (or grandparent) needs to move into an assisted living home, it is important to figure out what to do with their assets.

What would you do if your grandma moved out, and now your mom wants to live in her house, but it isn’t what Grandma wanted?

That is the situation the granddaughter in this story is in, so she offered to stay in the home and fix it up so Grandma doesn’t have anything to worry about, but now her mom is upset.

Check it out.

AITA Family Feud Over Grandmothers Estate

My mom and I are in a feud over my grandmothers home. (ETA my husband and I are encouraging her to sell)

My grandmother recently has had to move into assisted care – out of the home she and my grandfather built 60 years ago.

It’s dated but in pretty good shape, but will require some major repairs.

When my grandmother moved, she stated she would be selling the house, which of course made us all sad, but made sense.

It would ensure she has enough to live on, and whatever (if any) was leftover, would be divided amongst the family.

What is her real motive?

Then, out of the blue, my mom and her husband are moving in to “help” take over the hemorrhaging of money my grandmother is doing between paying for both places – my moms idea.

My grandmother feels pushed into this decision because, in my moms eyes, she’s the eldest child and this is her “right”

(she’s already given my mom her very nice paid for vehicle. My mother is also notoriously bad with money. This was her retirement plan)

Yeah, this would just put more stress on Grandma.

My grandmother is very worried that since neither my mom nor stepdad are very physically or financially capable people, she will be the one footing the bills for repairs.

A lot of work either needs to be done with sweat equity or money.

An idea came from my grandmothers friend to have my husband (contractor) and I take over the house, handle the repairs ourselves (out of our own pocket, with our own skill sets/tools etc).

We’d have alot more space for the (4) kids and (2) dogs (it’s a 5 bed/3bath on a fenced acre lot).

This seems like a good deal for them and Grandma.

We could spend the next couple of years fixing it up while also lowering our cost of living, increasing the value of the house, and either buying it from my grandmother so that the money would go back to her estate.

So ultimately back to my mom, or helping sell it and taking a large chunk of the profit so we could buy our own house, and putting the rest back to my grandmothers estate.

My moms plan is to just have the house deeded to her, and eventually pass it down to me and my husband.

She feels this is her right as first born, that I need to wait my turn, and has said some really nasty things about me to my grandmother and to my face about it.

It sounds like mom just wants to improve her living situation.

My mom is telling me I am wrong for trying to pull this out from under her.

My husband and I feel like we would be doing what is fair for the whole family, and ultimately (our biggest concern) giving my grandmother financial peace of mind that she won’t be basically a landlord for my mom and step dad.

My mom also has called me selfish for not offering to do these repairs and yard work for free (we often work with our construction business 6 days a week.

We could slow down with paid work with the cost savings of living in my grandmothers house and focusing on doing that work instead)

This family needs to figure things out before it is ruined.

We feel like we are trying to do what’s fair; she thinks we are taking away their retirement.

We are currently not speaking because neither one of us have anything nice to say, and the family is at a stalemate.

My poor grandmother is beyond stressed.

AITA?

The bottom line is that whatever grandma wants should happen.

But this is a difficult situation for everyone.

Let’s see if the people in the comments have anything helpful to add.

It might be time to get out.

What a lot of drama.

No one is going to come out winning.

There are always emotions in situations like this.

This is a complex situation involving money and emotions, two difficult things for a family to figure out.

At the end of the day, it is Grandma’s decision.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.