At 50 I Had A Breakdown – But This Exercise Class Saved Me

At 53, I own more Lycra than I ever thought possible or indeed, necessary. I have always been something of a fidget so moving comes quite naturally to me. I still possess that childlike drive to just run around and kick a ball for the sheer joy of it.

Unfortunately, as a comedian a lot of my job involves getting my body from one place to another, either tethered to a steering wheel or contained in a train seat, while looking longingly out of the windows at rolling hills and wishing I could be stomping up them.

If I go too long cooped up, I absolutely notice the negative impact on my mood. Movement is my mindfulness, meditation and medicine all in one – and I would say, without exaggeration, that as I approached my fifties and went through a very tough time emotionally, it was also a life saver.

If I am brutally honest with myself, I guess I experienced something akin to a breakdown but with the delicious added side dish of menopause onset with a liberal sprinkling of post-pandemic bewilderment. It resulted in a period of real internal conflict and crippling depression which I tried to counter by buying a sports car. Hello, did someone order the extra clichéd mid-life crisis? Yes please!

I jest, well of course I do: it’s how I cope, and some would say rather miraculously make a living, but I do have a real sense of empathy for anyone who finds themselves in this situation now. It’s a very lonely experience to question everything and wonder what the hell it’s all for.

During this time my partner of 24 years and I separated for a year, I rented a flat on my own and like rats abandoning a sinking ship my hair decided the best thing to do was to bugger off too. I had had alopecia before, but this time it really took hold and at its worst I lost 85 per cent of my barnet.

I could feel literally everything slipping away but thankfully at some point my brain screamed at me “Zoe, find something to cling on to”. So, I did just that. I bought myself a pull-up bar.

At first, I would just dangle from it for as long as I could and it briefly got me out of my head and back into my body. I had read somewhere that to join the US Marines you had to be able to do three strict pull-ups, so I decided to set that as my goal.

This, despite the fact I am neither American nor in anyway inclined to join the Marines (although I do look great in camo). As I tried to progress, I started to watch YouTube videos on how to master the pull up and this led me to finding clips about CrossFit, a form of exercise I knew zero about.

But it looked intense yet also fun. It involves strength, conditioning, weights and lots and lots of moving. I thought to myself if I could find a CrossFit gym I could dangle with strangers and that might be good for me. So, I did, and I have never looked back – which let’s be honest, isn’t that easy to do when you are dangling.

I’ve been going regularly now for over three years, and I am, shall we say, one of the more senior members. I will often be in class with guys and women in their twenties and thirties, and far from being intimidating, the atmosphere and energy is inclusive and supportive, with a healthy dose of competition.

I love it because often that sense of competitiveness is with myself, trying to get better, get stronger and not to fall over (again). It breaks the mould of what we think and sometimes what we are told exercise should look like at a certain point in life.

In your fifties often the talk is of physical decline and yes, sometimes my knees make a sound like walking on autumn leaves and my eyesight means I can’t always read the leaderboard (I am near the bottom), but the main feeling is one of progress.

What a blinking joy to be able to do more burpees now than I could 20 years ago and yes, I did just put the words joy and burpees in the same sentence and before you ask, my mental state is much improved. Sometimes the workouts are so hard I think I might have to fake an injury mid-way through to make it stop.

But what I have learnt to do is keep going, push through. I will never be able to keep up with the lads in their twenties but it is good to have a mutual respect for where each other is in life and what, when we put our minds to it, we can achieve.

Without a doubt the friends I have made and the skills I have learnt from CrossFit helped me push through the hardest year of my life.

I am pleased to report that I am in a very different place now, the sports car has gone and the pull-up bar moved back home with me when my partner and I reunited. I am still happily dangling but now with an almost full head of hair, however, I have yet to be accepted into the Marines.

Zoe Lyons is touring her new stand-up tour ‘Werewolf’ across the UK. Tickets at www.zoelyons.co.uk

This week I have been

Training… Not me at the gym for a change but rather my puppy, Zippo. He is a four-month-old Jack Russell cross and bright as a button. I love terriers, they are bold, energetic smart bundles of joy and Zippo has had us laughing non-stop since he came home with us. We have been very “on it” when it comes to house training and he hasn’t had an accident in the house for weeks now so I think that box is ticked.

You forget how tiring it is with a puppy. Out in the garden three times a night in your dressing gown trying to coax a tiny dog to go potty. On the bright side, the stars have been lovely at 3am so swings and roundabouts. I have also taught him to raise one paw which will be handy if we ever go hitchhiking together.

Planting… Garden centres are my happy place now. Particularly the shop bit you have to go through to pay for your plants. I love the collection of gardening gloves, gilets, jam and jigsaws you find. There is a massive one near us on the outskirts of Hove that has very posh garden sheds. There is a safari tent type one and a Nordic smokehouse variety.

We only have a little garden, and most things are in pots so I had to be content with a couple of small plants which I have lovingly potted. I will now await the arrival of our resident psychopath squirrel who digs everything up.

Reading… Jenny Eclair’s Jokes Jokes Jokes. Jenny is such a great writer and this brilliant memoir is a lovely read. It is always interesting to learn about other comics’ experiences within the business. I know how hard it was for women on the circuit when I first started and Jenny has been going longer than me so I found it a very enlightening read. In comedy sometimes it is very much like those tough workouts. It is a case of head down and keep going.